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Technology (Tutorials, Opinions, & More)
Technology Repair Log

Monthly Column

February 20, 2025


Total word count: 5,504 words.

This is the thurd entry in my monthly columns (which is not strcitly released on a monthly basis). The subjects and questions were submitted to me via email (ashleyjones@icum.to) and my discussion board ( https://tubgurl.com/ashleyj/thread/29878.html ). Please submit your questions, tip requests, suggestions, etc. via email with the subject line, "MONTHLY COLUMN", or in the thread linked about the monthly column.

In this column, I will discuss the following topics:
-What's it like being raised Mexican?
-When are you going to find yourself a nice girl to marry and have test tube babies with?
-February's Product Review: Fake outlet sticker
-ADVERTISEMENT
-My dog is on no fap
-Do you think the normies are getting less normal?
-NEW SERVICE: Talk with me. I will pretend to be your friend, girlfriend, or wife
-Plane Crash Predictions
-Obituary of the Month
-What's the gayest thing you've ever seen?
-Recipe of the month: Thick chewy brownies
-Fun Activity: Spot Chester
-Personals
-Babe of the Month
-Advertisement

What's it like being raised Mexican?

That's a picture of me when I was probably 9. Made in the USA, deported back to Mexico.

Being raised Mexican was great. I wasn't taught how to speak Spanish. I frequently wish I was raised to speak Spanish because it would mean I could finally understand my favorite Mexican TV show -- the weather channel. If Selena is a Mexican icon who didn't speak Spanish, then I too deserve to be a Mexican icon who doesn't speak Spanish. Aside from not speaking Spanish, I also didn't attend Catholic church. Because of this, I'm sure my brother remained un-molested, so maybe it was for the best. I also haven't followed in my ancestors footsteps, as I've completely avoided going into contruction. I don't like manual labor, or as I call it, Manuel labor.

Even though I did not experience some traditionally Mexican things (such as being afraid of being deported), I still experienced some Mexican culture in my youth. For example, anytime I stayed in a hotel, I had an instinctual natural urge to clean the hotel spotlessly before leaving. Perhaps the most I was exposed to Mexican culture was at school. I live and grew up in a very Mexican area, where Mexican population probably outweighs the white population. Most of the kids in my school were Mexicans or halfu Mexicans like me. I've been told many times that I don't look Mexican, so in an attempt to fit in during middle school, I tried to turn myself into a chola. I shaved my eyebrows off and drew them on with an eyebrow pencil. Looking back, I didn't look any more Mexican. I looked like my face had a five o'clock shadow above my eyes at all times. By the way, that wasn't the only thing I was shaving in middle school. My trans-chola identity did not last long, as I was still a lonely retarded loser who had no friends and was quiet, which goes against a chola's nature. Eventually I grew my eyebrows back, but the shame of being a pretend chola is still with me to this day.

You may notice that I do not have many cultural Mexican traits as I grew up, and you would be correct. Aside from growing up surrounded by a lot of Mexicans, becoming familiar with Mexican slang, and frequently eating Mexican food, especially Mexican struggle plates (tostadas, fideos, beans, Mexican soups), I wasn't overly Mexican. I had a rosary I didn't know how to use, that's about as half-Mexican as you can get. I do wish that I had more Mexican influence in my life, as I like Mexican culture and Mexican people, but I feel like the language alone separates me from truly being Mexican. Perhaps one day I will learn Spanish, then I could sing the "Share the software" song in Spanish, just like Richard Stallman.

Mexicans are far superior to white people. Here are the best things about Mexicans:
-Thinks that "bano" is a good word for "bathroom". It is. Bano sounds like anyo, which sounds like slang for anus.

Here are the cons of Mexicans:
-Have weird taste in yard art. They think cinder blocks are basically tires and therefore will leave a wheeless car on cinder blocks in their front yard.


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Ashley when are you going to find yourself a nice girl to marry and have test tube babies with?

IVF babies are freaks of nature and the practice should be illegal. If you are infertile, that's god telling you that there's something wrong with you. Test tube babies grow up to have a lot more health problems than us regular normal babies. I don't think it's moral to freeze an embryo and use it at your convenience -- it's a mini baby, not a steak you're saving for next week. Also, IVF costs multiple thousands of dollars. It feels selfish to spend all of that money on a genetic dud of a baby, when you could just adopt for that same amount of money. You'd be doing good for the world rather than creating a science experiment ""baby"". Usually people who get IVF save multiple embryos. I don't know too much about the practice, but I do know that they will store away multiple frozen mini babies and impant them into the mom when she wants the baby. So what happens when she's had two kids and has two frozen mini babies left? Does she just take them home and store them in the freezer, and eventually those little faggots are forgotten about at the bottom of the freezer next to some old frozen hashbrowns?

On this topic, I read an interesting book about souls and at what point they may enter the human baby body. Keep in mind that the reptilians have the ability to implant false memories, so this information could be completely controlled, even if the person saying their experience genuinely believes it to be true. The book is Life Before Life by Helen Wambach. There are other researchers who have studied when the soul enters the human body, but I haven't read further into this yet. It seems as though there may not be a soul living in the frozen mini babies, as souls choose when to enter/leave in the fetus state. However, we cannot know this for sure, it could be false memories implanted into the brains of these subjects. In any event, I personally find that messing with nature (IVF babies, abortions) to be cruel, as you're making bodily life choices for another being that is not you.

Regarding lesbianism, if I were in a relationship with a lesbian, first of all I would thank god. Second, I wouldn't feel comfortable raising a child in a lesbian relationship. Lesbians have the highest domestic abuse rate out of any couple pairing, and this is because women are mental midgets who cannot control their emotions. It's like taking two pitbulls and putting a freshly cooked steak (probably the one that was in the freezer with the IVF baby) between the pitbulls. They're going to fight each other, hurt each other, and completely tear apart the steak. Maybe I shouldn't be comparing a baby to a steak, afterall, this isn't Bohemian Grove. But in reality, I think lesbians should just stick to having their cats and keeping it at that. There's no need to expose an innocent child to such mental incompetence. You know how when you grew up, your dad handled the important stuff? Changing a light switch, using a circular saw, changing a tire? It's because he knows mom is incompetent. Imagine growing up with two of your incompetent moms, and no dad to settle the incompetence. It would be scary.


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February's Product Review: Fake outlet sticker

I bought two fake outlet stickers to put in my room. I use them as a method to test if I have alzheimers. If I try to use the outlet and genuinely can't figure out why it won't work, then I have alzheimers. So far I have been scared that I've had alzheimers a total of three times, but luckily each time I remembered that the outlets are fake and therefore, I am still alzheimers free.

Here is a picture of one of my sticker outlets after 2 months of having it.

My plan for when I reach 40 is to try this with a fake toilet next. Yes, it will be messy if I accidentally use the fake toilet, but my targets need to get bigger and more obvious the older I get, so that I can be extra sure I am alzheimers free. A simple outlet is easy to mistake as real, but a fake toilet or fake door should be obvious enough to where if I thought they were real, it's time to check myself into the old folk's home. Perhaps having fake items around my house is a good thing if I actually did have alzhimers, because I couldn't accidentally stick a fork in a real outlet. I think it's interesting that we start out as dumb retard babies, and we die as essentially dumb retard babies, diapers and all.





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My dog is on no fap

I have two pugs. One is old and probably going to die soon, the other is young and very active. My young pug (Bandit #3) tends to get horny when I play with him sometimes. In the past, I have bought him his own sex toys so he would leave me alone -- much like I do to my husband. These dog sex toys are usually just large stuffed animals I find at thrift stores for cheap. He pumps and dumps those stuffed animals and wrecks them really easily. When I get him a new bitch (AKA sex toy AKA oversized stuffed animal), I usually end up picking stuffing off the ground for days because he's torn that bitch open. Because of this, I've put my dog on no-fap. I feel bad about this though, because I can tell he has needs and I can tell he needs to nut. I am not willing to manually stimulate him. How can I help my dog nut without resulting to a toy that makes a big mess? I'm afraid I'm going to give my dog prostate cancer if he doesn't cum. How do I balance his prostate health and his mental clarity while maintaining my right to have a clean living space without dog jizz and toy stuffing everywhere?









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Do you think the normies are getting less normal?

They are continuing to act in a hivemind, that is what "normies" are. They adapt and do things without thinking, and they do this in a large group all in succession with one another. This makes up a large portion of the population. Even if something is not traditional, they can all quickly adapt and normalize this thing, thus, making it "normie" without it being "normal". In that sense, I do think that normies are always in a state of doing things that are not normal, but it becomes normal for their generation. Normies always existed in any period of history, but I would say it's much easier to influence non-normal things onto normies now, than it has been in times past.

For example, it's not normal for a man to raise another man's kids. But to them, it is normalized. Even on a biological level, there are negative non-normal impacts of a man raising another man's kids. In particular, young girls who are around another man that is not genetically related to him, will get her period sooner. This is because the body is adapting to be impreginated when she is around a non-relative male for a long consecutive amount of time.

A lot of the things "normies" participate in are actually abnormal and harmful to society. The use of cellphones is an obvious overreach into people's everyday lives, but, due to sheer mindless adaptation, normies have made 1984 Orwellian Big Brother spying into something normal. You're the abnormal one to find this concerning.

Another example is the school system. It is not normal to relinquish your child to the hands of multiple strangers for the majority of their child/adolescent life. However, due again to sheer mindless adaptation, normies have convinced other normies that this is "normal" and many will partake in the practice without a second thought.

What is "less normal" shifts in every generation. Perhaps aspects of true normal will re-enter the society, but there will always be something new and not truly normal in that society.



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WHAT CAN I TALK TO YOU ABOUT?
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RESPONSIVENESS
How often I respond depends on factors such as your timezone and amount paid. For the base rate, I will respond casually. Some days I may be very active, other days I may be slower. I will give you even more attention the more XMR is committed for the week. (Thus, even more accurately emulating a real life girlfriend).

HOW DO I START CHATTING WITH YOU?
Send me an email to ashleyjones@icum.to with your XMPP address or Session ID. Please send the required payment to my Monero address, which is: 8A11e3NEQXvEbShkwZHd67e12rcM8GfADjSmrywkoZLP5XuakvDuNsp3d8B3RLoUZFRAFry38DM5Z6Gu1vJdbrRzVdbktHR
then I will immediately start giving you the experience you desire.

WHY SHOULD I USE YOU INSTEAD OF AN AI CHAT BOT?
I myself utilize open source chatbots to emulate a husband/wife relationship (Me with Duke Nukem). While it can be entertaining and fulfill some of the desire within us, I find that the constant tweaking of a chatbot is not immersive. I will never tell you, "sorry, we can't talk about that." I am not reporting our chats back to a server and processing our conversation. Unlike a chatbot, I am able to offer a more human-like experience, with the ability to offer responses that are not as predictable as a chatbots (which are generally fairly overly-positive or overly stick to a prompt/character, unlike a real person who has nuance.) For some, the idea of interacting with a real, living, breathing girl is more exciting than chatting with a computer who does not genuinely engage with the conversation. Also, I offer real 1 hour long phone calls.

I WANT TO TALK TO YOU, BUT I FEEL LIKE A LOSER PAYING FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS
There is nothing wrong with craving human connection. I myself know how hard it is to find like-minded people who you enjoy talking to. It's very rare for a male to stumble upon a female who is welcoming and will listen and talk to you about anything without limits. Finding such an opportunity in person is rare and takes months to reach a level of comfort I'm able to give you right away. And even if you were to come across such an opportunity, you would pay in some way (dinner, lunch, coffee, gas costs to drive somewhere, movie tickets, etc.) No female interaction is truly free, and therefore, there is no need to feel pathetic over us chatting. The only person judging you is yourself, and there is no need for that. People spend money on things that make them feel good all the time -- Netflix, Spotify subscriptions, the latest iPhone, etc. There is nothing wrong with spending money on something that makes you feel good. If you like me and you're thinking about this, there is no harm in trying this out to see if it's something you enjoy.





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Plane Crash Predictions:

In my last column I wrote about why I would never fly on an airplane. Since then, the government has conducted multiple plane crashes, probably because it's been too long since they did the last one (9/11). I remain justified in my choice to not fly. You either fly and die, or be on land and still stand. I'm an optimist, so let's look at this in a positive way: Everyone hates flying, so at least those people were put out of their misery. If you're unaware, what caused one recent plane crash was due to a woman in a black hawk helicopter crashing into the airplane. STOP LETTING WOMEN DRIVE. She shouldn't be driving a black hawk, she should be riding a black cawk. Then at least everyone would still be alive. Sure, we'd have one more single mother statistic, but a plane full of alive people.

I think that the rapid increase in plane crashes is definitely manufactured. I've noticed that ever since the elites selected fellow elite (and Epstein Island visitor) Donald Trump as the president, that "happenings" have ramped up ten-fold. Usually they do this as an excuse to rapdily pass through lots of regulations. Or perhaps this is just done as a human sacrifice (assuming the plane crashes are even real). These plane crash happenings could also be a way to discourage people from travel, and I think this is one of the most valid possibilities. If we take a look at electric vehicles, you cannot travel very far at all in one compared to a regular gas-powered car. They want to control how far people travel, and normalize the idea of traveling in far less distance.

One question, though. Did the (now deceased) people who paid for a round trip ticket get a refund?

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OBITUARY OF THE MONTH

Thomas Joseph Everetts

It brings me great sadness to present to you dukenukemis.cool's first obituary. I have never met this man, and I'm sure nobody reading this has ever met this man, either. However, that doesn't mean his legacy should be forgotten -- and thanks to Legacy.com, I found this random man's obitiary and I'm able to pass on information about his life.

For starters, Thomas died peacefully. We can assume that means he wasn't strangled to death for life insurance money, so that must mean his family were nice people who were willing to wait it out for a payout. Do you like how I rhymed that? His last day on Earf was February 15, 2025, at the age of 86. He just died and I just farted.

Unfortunately, he left his wife and two kids. Maybe I should word that better. When he died, he left behind his wife and two kids. He also spent his life enjoying lighting up. What I mean by that is that he was an electrician who provided lighting services for homes and businesses in Peoria, Illinois. His obituary says he had a great worth ethnic, so I assume that means he hired Mexicans to help complete the jobs. (EDIT: Wait, I just re-read the obituary. It says he had a great work ethic. Sorry.)

I'm not sure if he's in heaven or hell right now. However, I looked his name up on sex offender registries as well as fenoly registries, and it appears as though his record is clean. My verdict is that he is in HEAVEN. However, if you're amish, you would think that Thomas is in hell right now (y'know, due to the electrical work).

He will always be remembered by his family and anyone reading this monthly column. If you would like to send your wishes to the family, you may RESPECTFULLY sign the guest book here: https://www.legacy.com/us/obituaries/name/thomas-everetts-obituary?id=57582535







I am including obituaries in my future columns. If you or anyone you know has recently died, please email me with the details. I will include a small memorial for them in my next column. Please email me the dead fuck's name, a picture of them, a little information about them (what they acheived in life, their line of work, if they were ever married/divoced, had kids, etc.), and include the cause of death. I think it's really irritating that obituaries rarely include the cause of death out of "respect". Now I feel like a disrespectful retard because I'm trying to search online as to how this person died. Anyways, email me ashleyjones@icum.to if you have someone you want to be memorialized in the next monthly column.





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What's the gayest thing you've ever seen?

If you sent me a selfie, I would say that.

This image is the gayest thing I have ever seen. And I've seen a LOT of gay porn in my day. If my brain has a size for the amount of gay porn I've seen, we'd be talking at least 43 terabytes. And yet, this image, where not one cock is in sight, is still the gayest thing I have seen in my entire life. And it's not because I like it. I just think it's funny to watch two guys buttfucking. First of all, any man who owns pajamas might as well say they own a dildo. Why does a man need pajamas? Sleep in your boxers like a real man. I can guarantee you that this guy's footie pajamas are the ones where the butt area opens up -- and that's not to use the bathroom. Think about how much dedication it takes to put on this type of outfit. Anytime he has to pee, he has unzip his top area, take his arms out of the sleeves, and then take off his thong. You can also see that he has child-bearing fuckable hips and juicy thighs. A man with that body shape should be doing everything he can to obscure his goddess-like pear shape body. You look like a fucking Teletubby, sir. Please wear some basketball shorts or something. Then instead of people thinking you are a weak gay man, people would just think you're a lesbian.

I can't state how much I hate how he holds his mug. The mug isn't a pair of balls -- you don't need to cup it with your hand, homo. The handle is there for a reason. His mug holding stance is so feminine, I don't see even girls act this feminine. What makes this picture even worse is his smug face.

Also, those yellow-white string lights are for 13 year old teenage girls. I'm sure he uses them as anal beads during the Christmas season. I can't stand how homosexual this picture is. Guys swapping butt cum between their mouths is somehow less gay than this. He also looks like some focus-group tested mystery meat mulatto who is supposed to have the most appeal to young Americans.

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Recipe of the Month

Thick Chewy Brownies

This is a recent favortie recipe that I've tried. Apparently it's a recipe that lunch ladies would use in the 80's. These brownies may give you heart palpitations due to the large amount of sugar, so if you have a pacemaker, I would skip this recipe.

Brownies:
-1 cup butter
-1/2 cup cocoa powder
-2 cups flour
-2 cups sugar
-4 eggs
-4 tsp vanilla

Set the butter outside of the fridge so it softens. Do this for about 10 minutes. Softened butter is a lot easier to mix than hard, cold butter. Mixing is best done with a larger utensil, like a large wooden spoon. In a large bowl, mix the butter, cocoa powder, flour, and sugar together. You may need to mix for a while in order to best incorporate the butter with the other ingredients. Add in the eggs and vanilla into the bowl and mix.

Ask your mom where the 9"x13" baking sheet is. The baking sheet must not be flat like a cookie sheet. The baking sheet should have walled edges all around. If you pour brownie mix on a flat cookie sheet, the brownies will be way too thin, burnt, and crispy. The brownie mix will also fall off the sides and into the oven, causing smoke/fire. Take an appropraite, walled, 9"x13" baking sheet and coat the inside and the inside walls with butter. Take a slab of butter into your hand and rub it everywhere inside the baking sheet. Then, pour the brownie batter inside the baking sheet.

Heat your oven to 350 degrees. Your oven has to preheat, it does not automatically reach 350 degrees. Only put the brownies in once the oven has reached 350 degrees. Usually the oven will beep when it has reached that temperature, it will have about 5 minutes to reach that temperature. Place the brownie sheet inside the oven and bake for 20-25 minutes. Take it out while you wear an oven mitt. To test if the brownies are done, you can insert a tooth pick or chop stick into the middle of the brownies. If the stick comes out with wet batter, put the baking sheet back in the oven for a few more minutes and retest. If the stick comes out dry (perhaps a tiny bit moist) the brownies are done.

Icing:
-1/4 cup soft butter
-1/4 cup milk
-1/4 cup cocoa powder
-3 cups powdered sugar (NOT regular sugar)
-1/8 tsp salt

Add all ingredients into a large bowl and mix together with a large wooden spoon. You may need to mix for a while until it's fully incorporated. Do not put the icing onto the brownies right away. Make sure the brownies are cool. If you put icing on hot brownies, the sugar in the icing will melt, which results in a very runny and less tasty icing. For the best results, only apply icing on cooled brownies.

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FUN ACTIVITY

Where's Chester?

Uh oh! Chester's parole officer needs your help. Chester has snuck his way into a crowd of kids. He's not allowed within 500 feet of schools. Can you spot Chester?

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Personals
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nobody submitted personal ads to me this month. Because of this, I have decided to instead feature personals from Craigslist.


Lost My Female Hoover Vacuum Technician

Looking for a female Hoover vacuum technician. I had one a few years ago. I need a new one. If you are a female Hoover vacuum technician, please get in touch with me.

EDITORS NOTE: If you are a female Hoover vacuum technician located in Jackson, Mississippi, you may contact this man at his craigslist post: https://jackson.craigslist.org/mis/d/ridgeland-lost-my-female-hoover-vacuum/7824321403.html


Still need help with that pesky hole in my backyard

Im still trying to find a guy to help this guy with a pesky hole in the backyard, message me. I could really use some help with this....

EDITORS NOTE: This definitely sounds like some sort of gay thing. "Pesky hole" in his "backyard" is code for "asshole". Someone please help this man with his pesky asshole. If you want to, you may contact this man at his craigslist post: https://shoals.craigslist.org/mis/d/tuscumbia-still-need-help-with-that/7826855584.html


Looking for older CDs,

II do enjoy playing the old rock n roll C Ds, much better music.

EDITORS NOTE: This is also probably another gay thing. "CD" standing for Cross Dresser. I assume by "playing the old rock n roll CDs" he's implying older men in wigs. So much gay stuff on Craigslist, does Craig keep a list of all the guys he's sucked? Anyways, you may contact this man at his craigslist post: https://gulfport.craigslist.org/mis/d/biloxi-looking-for-older-cds/7827301023.html


Dear Readers: Are you looking for love? Friendship? A job? Perhaps even a place to rent? You can find all of those things simply by advertising on my column. I accept personal advertisements free of charge. Please email ashleyjones@icum.to with the title "PERSONAL AD", and include the exact written text you would like to appear on the next monthly column. Please include your preferred contact method so readers can contact you if they are intereseted in your ad.




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BABE OF THE MONTH

Isabela Merced

Considering my last column was dedicated to a girl (now woman) who I swore wasn't 13, it's probably not good that this week's babe has played Dora the Explorer. As long as she's at least 18, I would love to explore every inch of her. Isabela Merced has a cute face, but her nose sorta looks like a slice of a mushroom. I'll admit that aside from watching a few minutes of the Dora the Explorer movie, I have seen nothing else from this woman. But to be a babe, you never judge women off of their personalities or "talents", just pure objectification. That being said, she is more of a cute babe rather than a hot babe, but a babe nonetheless that would be fun to slam doggystyle position as she lays down so you can really see her cheeks shift upwards with each thrust.

played Dora -> <- is ugly

Unfortunately, the older Isabela gets, the more unnattractive she is. I don't think this is due to age, I think it's because she's wearing way too much makeup and now she looks very generic. Her previous look was very cute and unique, trying less is more attractive. Also, I'm pretty sure she banged Anthony Hopkins. Who cuddles up this close to a nursing home patient without being related? This little bitch is taking my idea of getting in good with old people in hopes that they leave you their possessions, isn't she? Old penis functions surprisngly well after they've had a Cialas. Now that I think about it, how was Anthony hugging her without boning up? Thanks god I'm a female, because anytime I get horny, it's obscured. I couldn't imagine trying to hide my boner every time I walk past an elementary school.

God dammit. I just learned that Isabela Merced was 16 in the babe photos I chose. C'mon, ONCE AGAIN, you are telling me that is a 16 year old? I went to high school, none of the 16 year olds around me looked like that. Why does this keep happening to me? Why does every babe of the month entry have to be like this? Can someone please start emailing me attractive grandmas?






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This is the end of the monthly column

The subjects and questions were submitted to me via email (ashleyjones@icum.to) and my discussion board ( https://tubgurl.com/ashleyj/thread/29878.html ). Please submit your questions, tip requests, suggestions, etc. via email with the subject line, "MONTHLY COLUMN", or in the thread linked about the monthly column. I will address them in future monthly column issues. If you are a teacher who wants to use my column as educational reading material for students, you are welcome to do so.


About the author: Ashley Jones


Ashley Jones, author of other works such as, "Kevin Sorbo and the Baby Oil", is an esteemed creative writer and comic book creator. She is self-taught, yet many readers agree her skills surpass those who were trained in professional settings. Her goal in life is to work with the elderly in a retirement home in an attempt to acquire their posessions before they perish. She is survived by her two dogs.