Total word count: 8,233 words.
Total read time: 32 minutes and 56 seconds.

This is the twelf entry in my monthly columns (which is not strcitly released on a monthly basis). That means there is officially one years worth of monthly columns, even though this column started in late 2024. None of the subjects and questions were submitted to me via email (ashleyjones@icum.to). Please submit your questions, tip requests, suggestions, etc. via email with the subject line, "MONTHLY COLUMN", or in the thread linked about the monthly column. This page does NOT contain any AI written material or images. Any AI images will explicitly be states for commentary.

In this column, I will discuss the following topics:
-Childhood Carl
-Gay Teletubbies
-The Joys of Sleeping on the Floor
-Advertisement
-Squatter Yard Sale Haul
-Fly Infestation
-A walk down memory lane: The time I accidentally triggered a gay xvideos porn star
-Fly Infestation
-Why do women type stupid?
-Advertisement: Kiwifarms
-Review of the Month: Ocean Spray Cranberry Strawberry
-Babe of the month
-My rarest tape

Childhood Carl

Some of you may know about Carl. I mentioned him in my Braphogs.com video, where I mentioned his neocities website and called him boring because we need to bring back cyberbullying. I wasn't serious about him being boring, I just like to berate people because I found it makes them like you more. Yes, practice being mean or disinterested in people and they will be more desperate for your attention. Plenty of people I ignore will in fact, email me more and more. Whereas if I respond at every whim, they would grow reassuraed that they have my attention and become less desperate. I haven't really practiced this abusive dynamic with Carl, because I started being nice to him, AKA showing him my "true colors". Usually when you show people your true colors, you are showing them a crazy and unhinged side. When I show people my true colors, I am showing that I am actually nice and humane.

Despite all of what I just said, Carl is not boring. In fact, I became obsessed with him. Initially we became friends because he e-mailed me, I found out about his neocities website, and the rest is history. I check his website often for updates so I can update my Carl.csv with information about him. Looks like I have something new to add.

Recently Carl has uploaded a baby picture of himself with an iPod, taken in 2009, 3 years old. Wow, what a young age to be a homosexual -- AKA an Apple user. Kidding, I was a homosexual at age 9. I owned a pink iPod nano, and yes, I am ashamed to admit that. I'm more ashamed to admit I owned a Zune. What's a Zune? Exactly. Speaking of failed items that nobody wants, we need to talk about Carl. I was shocked to learn that Carl is white. Given his frequent use of the n(?)gger word, I thought he had a "n-word pass", and the only way to get that is to be black. Seeing as he is not black, that iPod must have been legally purchased for his birthday rather than stolen.

He doesn't look happy at all to receive the iPod. I fixed this picture, and gave him the type of lips that are allowed to say the n word. He can delete the original copy and replace it with the more realistic edit. Hell, at this point we may as well add on a few more ancient "memes". FYI, when the word "meme" came out, it was super gay and considered super Reddit to say meme, I still resist saying it.

What music does a 3 year old even listen to? I'd like to imagine he was listening to ambient coughs with distant windchimes. Let me immerse you in this. Click the play button while looking at the picture:

Carl has not shown what he looks like today, so I age progressed him in GIMP to what he may look like today.

Gay Teletubbies

Keeping in line with my monthly columns, I must yet again write about my obsession with toddler media. I shouldn't be surprised, but I am. The Teletubbies have made the bold move to appeal to gay toddlers and make "Pride" posts, and merchendise. The whole gay stuff in toddler media makes no sense to me. We have never put any other political movements in toddler media. The Wiggles weren't pictured with the black panthers. Barney wasn't pictures with the unibomber. So why is it that they strictly push gay stuff so hard? Part of it is that they need to try and normalize gay stuff as early as possible to young humans. The other aspect is that they know parents stick children in front of the TV as a means to temporarily distract the children as the parent goes to do something else. Meaning, that the child is being shown and told certain things while the parent is not around.

It is all so tiresome. This is the reason I don't watch anything produced after 2012. However, I had recently broken that rule and have been watching the new Teletubbies. Looks like I won't be doing that anymore. Teletubbies probably makes your kids stupid anyways. There was controversy over the original Teletubbies. Apparently, as my husband told me, purple was a gay color in the 90's. And Tinky Winky always holds a purse. Pair gay color + purse = gay teletubby. So, it was probably there all along. Will I be throwing out my two cherished Teletubbies VHS tapes? No. I will still watch the old ones, because it wasn't as gay. But I will no longer watch the new teletubbies.

There is a gay Teletubbies website. This is real: https://teletubbiespride.com/

There was also an episode of animated Teletubbies which was an obvious teaching of gay ideology. The episode is called "Pride and Proud". https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pttpaw7CT0o The video starts off by showing a big rainbow. It then says, "The Teletubbies were feeling proud". It shows each Teletubby and says, "Tinky Winky is proud to be Tinky Winky", etc. etc.

I've never understood the emotion "pride". Pride is a really strange concept. Plus, feeling pride is advised against in the bible. It is essentially a marker of being superior to another person. Or, "pride" is used to hand-wave away flaws, and instead, highlights those flaws as something to boast about. Pride is a direct parallel of ego, and ego is the opposite of humility. To have pride instead of humility pulls you away from being able to be honest, improve, and thus, you are bound deeper into the physical world rather than the spiritual realm. One cannot accept healthy criticism, it is turned into boastful pride rather than humility and change. It is not bad to appreciate aspects of yourself, but, feeling pride is a boasting, ego-driven emotion.

1 John 2:16 ESV
For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world.

James 4:6 ESV
But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

The Joys of Sleeping on the Floor

I sleep on the floor. This is not an attempt to emulate Japanese culture or prison culture, but, floor-sleeping is very convenient. Once your body adjusts to floor sleeping, you could sleep anywhere in the world with total comfort. Initially I approached floor-sleeping with this scenario in mind. It felt weak to require a cushiony surface in order to fall asleep. Our ancestors didn't do that, so why am I? Also, I do not want to risk any medical injuries by accidentally rolling off my bed during sleep, which has happened a few times during my life. This risk becomes more severe as I age.

This got me thinking: Why beds raised in the first place? As far as I know in regard to the US, beds were raised as a measure to prevent mice and bugs from crawling on you. Seeing as I do not live in filth, I do not have to worry about this. I write this after I had just spent 20 minutes trying to kill an indestructible stink bug. The bug was built like a Nokia phone. Now my room smells and this bug is still alive but in a trash can. I typically kill bugs by backing away approximately 3 feet away from the bug and throwing my house slipper as hard as I can at it. This approach is most successful with house flies. We will talk about house flies later. In any event, perhaps I am learning that I do in fact have to worry about bugs crawling on me as I sleep.

I have purchased a floor futon. When I wake up, I simply fold the futon and put it in my closet. This means you have a lot more space in your room without a bed taking up space. It's also easier and cheaper to replace the futon if there were to be some sort of un-cleanable bodily substance soaked into the mattress. Bed mattresses are expensive, and apparently mattress stores are used for money laundering. Think about it. How often are people buying mattresses to keep multiple mattress stores in business in one town alone?

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Squatter Yard Sale Haul

I have frequently put myself in dangerous situations in order to go to a yard sale. I've met random old men off of Craiglist so I could go into their garage and get VHS tapes. I have yet to be raped, and I hear so much about rape. I hear that rapists are everywhere and setting foot outside is essentially begging for a wrecked hole. I don't know if I'm just ugly or if rape just isn't "in" anymore, but I don't get so much as flired with, which is fine by me. I say all of the above to prove that despite going to dangerous measures for a yard sale, I survive.

Today was no different. I was being driven in a sketchy remote area when I see a random hand-written "yard sale" sign on the side of the road. I knew what that meant: someone's mom died and I'm about to get her gently used 1967 can of Campbells soup for 3 cents.

I park on the side of the road and there is nobody else parked at this garage sale because it's in the middle of nowhere. I take my chances. This could be it. This could be the moment I get gang raped, and jokes on them, I'm the used item at THAT yard sale. Anyways, I knew this particular house was abanoned for a very long time. The house is run-down and there is never anyone there. Until yard sale day.

I walk up and there is a woman I wave to. At first I thought, "Ok good, she's normal. I can unclench my cheeks now." But then she gets closer, and she is what I call a "grubby". Grubbies live across the US, but are most prominent in rural areas or populated trailer parks. They do not have an urge for grooming oneself. Most grubbies will have teeth missing, early on-set aging, and the ability to scare those around due to a potential anger issue. Grubbies in towns typically reside in trailer parks or section 8 housing apartments.As she starts to talk to me, it's obvious she is on drugs. That's fine, I've talked to a few random older women on drugs -- all while trying to buy something from them. Once I was buying a mattress, the other I was buying a 1970s lamp, this time I was buying a basket that I had to double-check crystal meth wasn't inside. She is talking really fast and some words blend into the next and certain things she's explaining does not make sense, partly because my slow retard brain can't keep up with her. I just smile and knod in hopes I don't get shot. As this is happening, there are a few other guys out and about who are the owners. There is a shirtless man about yay far away from me behind a tree with what looks like more awesome treasures. I ask her if I can go by the shirtless man to check out the stuff (the items, not him), but she told me that stuff wasn't for sale.

As I make nervous small talk, I ask about when they moved in since the house was abandoned, and if they bought it. She's silent for a second, like she was thinking for an answer, and says, "I'm caretaking". Seeing as nobody lived in this house before, there wasn't anyone to take care of in that house. So I am completely convinced at this point that these are squatters who decided to have a yard sale. The BALLS that takes. Good for them, we have so, so many unused buildings in America that nobody uses. I think it's good if something nobody is using gets used by a person in need. If a house is abandoned, it's likely not a good neighbrorhood anyways, so it doesn't hurt to have some grubbies keeping the house in working order.

And then, of course, out comes the pit bull. I'm lucky to even be writing this right now, I try to stay far away from those things. I wanted to leave right then and there but I feared sudden movements would make it go crazy, so I chatted for a few minutes until it was used to seeing me.

Overall, it was a pleasent experience. I purchased a few things, running a total of $5. I just realized I probably contributed to someone's drug fund, but I just couldn't pass off these items.

We have a sturdy basket that requires some fixing, with a free loose screw inside. There are a few pieces of fabric. I'm not good at sewing, but sewing things by hand interests me because I have an interest in the 1800s, and this is how those people would sew toys, clothes, etc. so I plan on trying to make something out of the fabic. There is a 1950s or early 1960s Pyrex bread pan. These Pyrex kitchen supplies are sometimes insanely expensive, and so it was a rare find. I thought the pattern was cool, since I try to decorate my house as if it's the early 1980s this seemed like something that would be in an early 1980s home. I make homemade bread all the time but nothing this small, so I'm not sure what tiny loaf to put in there.

All in all, I genuinely don't think that the items I purchased were worth me risking my life. I was hoping to see a VCR or some old technology, so that's why I risked my life. And I am also not joking, I also genuinely think this was a squatter yard sale.

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A walk down memory lane: The time I accidentally triggered a gay xvideos porn star

There's no way to start this article other than to admit I purposefully seek out gay porn to laugh at and edit into funny music videos. I have amassed thousands of views on porn websites from my gay porn remixes. I've stopped this in recent times because porn is so extreme these days that I actually feel like I will vomit from the anal gymnastics I see these days.

Before I proceed, I don't masturbate anymore but when I did, it was never to penises. One day during my gay porn bender (platonic) I come across of a thumbnail on xvideos of a guy who looks strikingly like Jim Croce who's music I am listening to as I write so I can become immersed. I thought Jim died in a plane crash, so I clicked on this to make sure he didn't actually survive and go on to become a gay porn star.

I discovered that this was NOT Jim Croce, but a man who used another celebrity's likeness. He named himself Gerardo Rivera. The video I stumbled on was really strange and humourous, as you don't frequently see such things on xvideos. Upon clicking his profile, I see this shtick is to make strange Sam Hyde-esque videos but be gay and make gay guys cum. Now that's a niche I never would have thought of. I also found out he had a website, and he ALSO had a manifesto on his website. But that just linked to social media. Then, this is where our story starts...

I see an e-mail address. One thing you need to know about me is that if I see someone's e-mail address online, I WILL e-mail it. Usually after I watch a budget movie on Tubi TV, I will look up the IMDB page, look at the actor's names, find out where they work, and their e-mail addresses. In particular, I have emailed my b-movie celebrity crush Seth Adam Cassell, who did not respond to me. I've also e-mailed Jamed Corbett, Rhyan Gabel, and many more. I don't usually receive a response from anyone.

I sent an e-mail to this gay porn star. I don't recall what I said, but I think I offered to set him up with Peertube if he gave me a shoutout because he was filming videos on his xvideos raging with death threats to the Lithuanians who run it because they kept deleting his videos. I could be slightly wrong on the little details here, this was all in 2023. I was going to install it on a VPS via the terminal, but after I suggested this, he just did a one-click install with Yuno host I think.

I would have a better recollection of all of this if I had access to my old e-mail account, but it got raided by the FBI. In any event, we traded phone numbers to discuss perhaps collabing with clothes on. A few days later, I decide to give him a call at about 2am because I thought that was funny if I were to wake him up. But he answered, a little annoyed that I was calling so late. But it shouldn't have mattered, he told me he was webcamming him playing video games. SNORE.

To break the ice, I start talking about the few videos of his I watched. He had some clothes podcast videos where things were more down to Earth. I skimmed a few minutes. While I did e-mail him, listening to a gay man complain about traveling and how many times he has to squirt on cam was not of much interest to me, so to be fair, I wasn't anywhere close to being familiar with him. He mentioned in both e-mail and in his podcast that he hates his fans with a passion (I get it) and hates doing this jack off for money stuff. And that he was moving around the US to try and change things up. California to Texas I recall. Great. He increased the gay population in Texas by 1. Overall, his tone throughout the email and video about this topic was visibly depressed. Like "will this be his last ejac on camera" type depressed. You would have to be very depressed if you're moving multiple states to try and feel better. I remember him mentioning that he wasn't gay but he was JO'ing with dudes to make money.

So, I made the mistake you should never do during this 2am phone call. I offered advice. Early on in the conversation I brought up that I noticed he displayed clear discontent with his online career of jacking off for gay men, and that he should take a break from the internet to feel better. After all, it's proven time and time again that too much time online spent on events such as social media and making sexual media online makes people depressed. In this case, it makes sense. He is denying his male urge to procreate with women, and instead, he forces himself to bone up for other men. Since I am very well versed in how certain aspects of internet consumption affect people, I suggested that he make a change in this regard and go without this internet usage to see if it helps.

Ho boy. That was like opening up a fire hydrant. He instantly got icredibly upset, and I was genuinely confused because I had prior prepared myself for what I wanted to say because I wanted to help him with this, but he said I came across as disingenious. For one, when I am actually talking one-on-one with someone, I never do weird condensending tones of communication. That's just not how I communicate, but he interpretaed it as such. I suppose being in the gay world, things are interpreted as attacks more often because they're all catty. i was trying to be helpful.

For seriously 5 or 6 minutes straight, he is ranting without skipping a beat nor having the opportunity for me to talk. He mentions how I am obsessed with him and how I think I know his life and I don't know anything. I did have a second to interject that these mentally ill points were mentioned by him himself in an email and the first minute of a podcast. Then his rant shifts to how I DON'T know anything about him and how dare I try to change him, etc. I felt like I was back at home getting yelled at for 4 hours straight, except this time at least the guy yelling at me had abs.

The entire time I looked next to my husband who was, of course, silently sitting in on the call with me. We both look at each other with wide eyes and an open mouth, with a "what the heck" expression, but also slightly amused because who would have expected this?

After his rant, I tried to salvage this by saying I was genuinely trying to help, but we can move on since it is something incompatible. The rest of the call is obviously weird. I just got verbally abused by a gay porn star. I try to make some jokes to ease back into being cool with each other, he isn't going for those jokes at all, and in an obvious "im making a point at being unamused because you upset me earlier" way. It's extending an olive branch that this catty cum expert won't grab. Later he talks about liking H3H3, which triggers ME this time. Naturally I pull out some jew jokes against H3H3 that didn't go over well, because he is a fan. I recall saying that Hila looks like she's cosplaying being in Auschwitz.

At the end of the call we agree that I should come on his podcast (clothed) as Taz for pride month. We end the call, I email him to try and get him on Matrix because gay people love Matrix, but there was an issue where he couldn't join. I call off the whole thing because given the minutes long rant, the rejection of my jokes, we never really got rolling as a workable duo. So when he e-mails me that he is having trouble joining matrix, and later e-mails again that he has to move the date to attend a gay pride parade, I figured he was just beating around the bush and wanted to call it off after I mentalhealthmogged him. I send an email to this effect, which triggers him into a long typing rage again. To which, I just respond with goatse.

You would think this would be the end. It wasn't. His following podcast was void of my presence, but it wasn't void of me. This tragedy of a 2am mental health advice phone call was good enough to make a podcast episode about. I wish he had recorded the call so he could include how insane he sounded. Sorry, but who is more mentally stable: The guy who impersonate Sam Hyde while jacking off with gay men online who says he's "straight" and gets triggered when someone suggests he put the iPhone down, OR, a girl who e-mails b-list actors from Tubi TV?

You can read his take on these events here: https://edgegame.podbean.com/e/59-tubgirl-time-machine-feat-ashley-boxxy-jones/

I didn't dare sit through and listen to this verbal vomit, but I did text to speech the transcript at 4x while I clipped my toe nails. Actually, looking back at that link, I think he wrote a 5,000 word essay on the triggering, and in the audio he talks MORE about the triggering. This is about me and even I can't be bothered to listen to this.

And to conclude, I am right. I am always right. I call conspiracies years before they happen. I call out trannies before I can even see the penis. I can tell someone what they need to change to fell better. Upon looking at Gerardo's Peertube, his last video was 10 months ago. Within the first minute, he talks about how he is in a study about depression and suicide. And just after that, he mentions he is about to go in to the air force. Israel has another one. But, this just goes to prove that A. this nigga was depressed and 2. He was obviously looking for some drastic change away from jacking off with gays online to feel content.

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Fly Infestation

A few days after I published last month's column, something tragic happened to me. As I was in my kitchen, I saw two flies and I murdered them. I went to my room, and came back to the kitchen about 30 minutes later. This time, I hear a loud buzzing sound, and see about 20 flies all in my kitchen. I was disgusted. I hate bugs in my house because it is not clean, but I do keep some farmer spiders around to eat the bugs.

It feels like I am in the middle of a tornado made up of flies. If I take a step, 5 flies move from that step. Truly revolting. So, I got my fly swatter and spent the next hour trying to take every last one of them out. There is the phrase, "He would never hurt a fly", which means that someone is really nice. If you would never hurt a fly, then you have a disgusting house and lack the knowledge to realize letting flies live in your house means they will lay eggs and produce even more flies in your house. The thing is, my house was the victim of a fly infestation at this point. These flies all hatched (barf) at the same time. Let me tell you, I've become well versed on the things you can do to trap and kill a fly. For one, I discovered that when I opened the curtains, most flies were attracted and went to the window. This is where I ended most of their lives. It was their own personal 9/11. Baby flies, adult flies, doesn't matter. They're all getting murdered.

My husband even joined in on the fun and learned his own methods, which involved stunning the flies by spraying them with water and then using their crippled state to squish them to death with his hand. Alternatively, he also used a damp rag as a nun-chuck to whip the flies to death, which required decent accuracy that I couldn't replicate. His kill count was higher than mine.

There was a spider at the corner of this window, and I was trying to help him out by slapping flies into his direction. I even got a few flies in his web but when the spider would go to start winding up the fly, the fly would escape, so I stopped trying to help out the stupid spider. The spider in my bathroom is still feasting on 3 flies in his web from this, though.

After this mass murder, there would still be a fly or two around my house for the next few days. If there is even one fly in my house, I can't focus and I don't feel like I can make food because they are attracted to the smell and come land on the food and lay eggs. So I HAVE to kill the fly before I can do anything. I learned that even better than opening the curtains is to open the window and the flies are attracted to it. Then I close the window to trap them in there.

This is all happening because it is summer, and this is yet another reason why I hate the summer.

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Last month I wrote about seeking out female friends. I mostly had men say "I have a female friend you can talk to", and this is not what I wanted. If I am referred to a normie woman, we won't related much. I need a woman who has found me from my website. In any event, one woman I had upset with a funny abortion joke and got scolded by her boyfriend, one was referred to me by some guy who loves saying the N word like carl, so I told the girl "Hey, him and I were talking for a few hours and I want to get your opinion. He mentioned that he hates being a guy and wants to start dressing like a girl". I got no response. Another one sends the low effort email that I wouldn't respond to even if female, saying something along the lines of "hey tell me about gnosticism". I have already written about gnosticism on my website.

Through these interactions, why do many females type like retards and use retarded terminology? We don't HAVE to type this way, ladies. For all of the college and schooling the jews want to put women through as a means to disrupt successful family units, women still write stupidly. Why do they choose to add exclamation marks after every statement? I actually have a visceral hate for exclamation marks because it makes someone look weak. It is not a power move to use an exclamation mark. In fact, there is a study that sending professional e-mails with an exclamation gets less responses than ones with periods. Using emojis makes responses even worse. I never use exclamations unless I am trying to write like a gay man. In fact, women make the use of exclamation marks worse by adding a strange number of them, and a space between a word and the exclamation mark.

Example: omg you can tell i am have a vagina by the way i type !!

I think it is a subconscious urge to look stupid so that men are attracted to a mate. The acceptale amount of exclamations is either one or three. What are we doing by two? This is like a period versus an elypsis. When someone writes two periods after a sentence, you know its a dumb boomer.

Example: donlat trump is my savior got to love donart trump..

There are also women who strictly type in all lower case. Oh, what, are you allergic to the shift button? It won't hurt you to press it. Typing in all lower case is another way for a person on the internet to convey she has a vagina. I think it is supposed to look "cool", like she doesn't care about grammatical accuracy, she's too busy being cool for the shift button. In my world, people would be executed on site for not using the shift button.

If I lower myself down and actually entertain a woman who is typing like young women do, I am saying that I am of less value than her. Here's the thing with women, and especially women like that. They are an empty box of a human. Sure, there might be a loose button or a needle in the box, but it is void until you put something into it. Once women are prompted, you might get a little response. But it has to be safe, you can't say anything too crazy or else you have to be put in punished. I can't play games like that. Either you like me or you don't, and I don't care to carry your conversation just to get a two exclamation mark response. I don't know why anyone would subject himself to such a thing.

And the terminology. It's so bad. They reuse phrases mentally ill men who dress as women create. Or terminology angry black women made up. I think I would need to be involved in a serious, injury-producing, car accident to find these things worthy of introducing into my daily lexicon.

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ADVERTISEMENT: This advertisement was NOT funded by the owner of Kiwifarms. The person who wanted this advertisement is simply a user of Kiwifarms. If you love celebrity drama, you might be a frequent visitor of perezhilton.com. But, if you love z-list internet celebrity drama, you are a visitor of Kiwifarms.com. Looks like I qualify as a z-list internet celebrity, because there is a thread about me on Kiwifarms. My thread didn't take off because everyone in it liked me. What a strange turn of events, I figured my commentary on things like Gay Teletubbies or pretending to be a ftmtf tranny on TikTok would earn me some loyal dislikers. Usually kiwifarms users like to dig up naughty things people have said in the past. They also don't like pedophiles. Looks like it's my turn to start drama. YAY!!!! Look, in reality, he was right. She was hot. Oops. I'm kidding. You shan't say those types of things, plus it's not true. I think it's creepy to find even an 18 year old hot. You know how you count the rings on a tree stump to see how old it is? I apply that same logic to women's crows feet. One line is 10 years. So if she has at least 3 crows feet lines, she's 30, and it's OK. But on the other hand... Do you think 15 year olds have periods and can get pregnant for no reason? No. It means they are ready. That's not my rules. It's nature's rules. If it was up to me, women would get pregnant by a consensual hand-shake, and only once reaching 28+. Anything else is too perverted. You have some splaining to do, Josh. What you did was just wrong. Why did she get called hot and I didn't? Is it because I'M NOT SKINNY ENOUGH LIKE HER? So many questions and no answers. Is it more ethical to have sex with her in the 18yo picture, or, the 15yo picture? I say it is more ethical to have sex with her in the 18yo picture and here is why: Nothing has entered her mouth in years. Let's change that. And speaking of change, Josh is a changed man and stands up for what is right. Well, I don't think he stands too much NGL. Figuratively, he stands up for what is right. I don't think he'll appreciate my opinion on female writing, though. But much like how N words can say the N word, I can talk about the stupid things some females do. One of them being Ashley starving away all her hotness. Wait, oops. Don't forget: Count the crowsfeet. Anyways, notable figures to discuss on Kiwifarms includes people I've collaborated with such as Mad Thad and Styxhexenhammer. Styx has turned into a toothless pirate that finds mentally retarded women attractive. Maybe his girlfriend and I could talk about Teletubbies. I saw a video of one of his low-tier girlfriends eat dead crickets on Youtube. If you ever want to be in a relationship with a man, don't eat dead crickets on camera and then belch. There is also a Kiwifarms Pleroma Instance: https://kiwifarms.cc/main/public The main Kiwifarms website: https://kiwifarms.st/ Pleroma is part of the Fediverse, just like my Peertube. If you like how Peertube works, consider getting on the Kiwifarms Pleroma. Also, pleroma is essentially what heaven is called in gnosticism.

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I love fruity drinks. A number of months ago, I purchased a fruit punch drink by Juicy Juice, despite being a fruit punch, it tastes purely like apple juice. So, I went ahead and purchased straight up apple juice. And then a developed a real apple juice addiction. Turns out, apple juice is a diuretic. I didn't know this until I had one week gone without apple juice and my bubble guts and toilet time was drastically reduced. That didn't stop me though. I tried drinking apple juice WITHOUT meals, and while this did help, sometimes there was a bit of friendly fire. So I had to cut it out completely.

At this moment, I would like to point out how a fake autistic woman was purchasing apple juice at the store because I guess liking apple juice means you're retarded. Amature hour over here -- she picks up juice boxes. Uh, yeah, come back to me when you're picking up 2 feet tall bottles in bulk for the week and suffering through diarrhea just for your apple juice hit. Women are liars. Plus, if she actually only drank apple juice instead of water like she says, she would know to never purchase the boxes. This involved math, woman. Minute Maid apple juice boxes include 8 boxes per crate, 6 fluid ounces per box. That's 48 fluid ounces for $4+. Whereas, if you purchased the Great Value apple juice, you get 64 fluid ounces for $2.27 per bottle. The 64 fluid ounce Great Value apple juice bottles work out to be a better deal than the 96 fluid ounce Great Value ones. With my method, you are paying SIGNIFICANTLY LESS FOR WAY MORE JUICE than the $4+ Minute Maid apple juice boxes. Maybe she actually is retarded if she can't do this math.

She also has an OnlyFans and here's an image I found from it. If she was actually autistic and only drank apple juice like me, this is what her onlyfans would look like.

I was very sad to go without apple juice, so I decided to look for something new. I don't buy anything with corn syrup, fake coloring, or really bad ingredients because I will be drinking this en mass and therefore don't want to elevate cancer risk. With that in mind, I found Ocean Spray's Cranberry Strawberry.

Wow, this juice is AMAZING. It tastes exactly like my favorite drink at Panda Express, the watermelon mango drink. Oh, by the way, I've used up all of my panda express gift cards, so if you want to donate to me, PLEASE send me a Panda Express gift card to ashleyjones@icum.to https://www.pandaexpress.com/gift-cards

This drink is best enjoyed in a cartoon glass with cold ice. I like colored drinks in cartoon glasses because it looks cool. Here is an example of what I mean with my Garfield glass. I didn't enjoy the orange soda in the cup, though. It was way too artificial and actually gave me a headache, but I thought it looked cool. And that homemade chili is THE BEST too.

That is a crack on the bowl, not a piece of hair.

I went through all 64 ounces of the Ocean Spray drink in under 16 hours. I was so sad when it was gone. I can't wait to start up my Youtube channel, I have a wishlist going where people can purchase items for me, and this is going on the list. It's only $2-3, so even the poorest among you should be able to afford it.

I find the name Ocean "Spray" to sound gross. It just makes me think of squirting or cat spray (pee).

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Welp, I hate to admit it but it turns out I am no better than my 38 year old virgin stalker to uses AI to edit photos of me being pregnant. I recently spent my time generating AI pictures of me with my mind husbands. These are, of course, not really my husband. In fact, when I showed my husband these pictures, he got mad at me which is rare to happen, so these pictures must really look like me.

Let's just say that without using local image generation, it is hard to generate pictures of my features without getting blocked for pedophilia. I was using example images of 1990s CGI to generate new images, and I was going to add these new images to my "picture of the day" script for my search engine dukenukem.net. Here are the initial images I generated:

So I thought, I might as well try to make Duke Nukem. And me. Together. So I added to my prompt "Keep in mind that the example images are smooth and not too detailed or advancedly shaped. With this in mind, make an image of Duke Nukem next to a petite white woman with a pixie cut." I get back a hilarious labeled image with a woman who looks way too advancedly feminine compared to me. I actually started laughing and then choking because I was eating as I saw this, and I didn't expect the label.

I alter the prompt with details such as, "girl" "she has a baby face" "she looks really young" "she's about 12" "shes his daughter" "she wears baggy clothes, basket ball shorts, and blue slide on sandals". I had to add these things because I was getting women who looked way different from me. Turns out, a lot of these descriptors were blocked even though the image was not sexual. I find it strange how people are now being offended if you mention children at all. Like they are a taboo even to talk about. I had to work around the prompt, and this issue is my fault for not using local models (because I have to get my large computer out for image generation, and I am lazy).

So even with my descriptors, I ended up looking more like a son rather than daughter. And the style is not 1990s CGI like the examples I had provided.

I think I finally landed on a realistic looking one, but I would appreciate more bulge.

And of course, I had to do this with my other mind husbands.

I do find many aspects of AI gay when it is turbo goyslop. But, I do think some aspects of it are cool such as replicating a certain design style. I like early CGI a lot because it seems to have a lot of color and life. I have a theory that I like early CGI because it is very easy for the brain to process, limited detail, basic shapes. It's essentially a design for babies. And since I love toddler media, it makes sense that I also love early CGI.

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My rarest tape

I'm not one to idealize items explicitly for their monetary value or rarity. This is the rarest VHS tape I own. I found this a few years ago at a hole-in-the-wall thrift store that I visit the most. This is one of my all time favorite movies, I probably watched Grandma's Boy (A Neon Blonde has a song in that movie, which is crazy), and Napoleon Dynamite the most during the 2000's. I also liked Dumb and Dumber and King Pin, which I also own on VHS. Jim Carrey is a weird illuminati pawn who they probably cloned, so I can't really get behind Dumb and Dumber anymore.

When I saw Napoleon Dynamite on VHS, I was really shocked. 2004 is a pretty late release in so far as VHS tapes go. When I was a kid, I owned it on DVD. I would always play a DVD or VHS before bed, and I remember waking up to the annoying selection screen that came with DVDs, but I remember Napoleon Dynamite's selection screen the most. It's amazing how my brother and I's CRT TVs never had burn in, because we would always fall asleep with video games on or DVD selection screens. It takes a lot more than you'd think to burn in a CRT TV. Something interesting is how arcade CRT experience burn in from viewing the same level often.

Napoleon Dynamite is one of those ultimate comfy movies for me, probably because I'm extremely familiar with it since I've watched it many times. It's a good movie to watch as I cry when I have no more Ocean spray. I remember they kept trying to push an animated show way past the Napoleon Dynamite release -- probably 2011. Which is when the first Beavis and Butthead comeback happened, and it sadly wasn't that good either. The new one is really good.

I recently looked up this tape on eBay, and I was shocked to see it selling for $70+. I suppose it makes sense since this is a late release. Now I really feel like I can't spill my spaghettios on the cover which is really unfortunate because I use the cover as a spaghetti stand as I watch the movie. Personally, I couldn't justify spending $70 on a tape when I could just record the movie onto a blank, so I feel really lucky to have found my favorite childhood movie on thape for a non-rare price.

This originally had 4 price stickers on the front cover alone. Both sides of the case have a price. The back has a price. The actual tape has a price sticker on the front, the left side, the right side. Gee, I'm starting to think the cost of the stickers alone outweighs the original $3 price-tag. I probably purchased it for $1 at the thrift store. Also, as I was removing one of the 600 stickers on the cover, it came off so clean except right at the end. When it was popping off, it took a line of the cover with it. I tried to color-match the missing spot with two markers. The red marker was PERFECT, you can't even tell. The blue didn't watch at all, so you can kinda tell it's messed up if you try looking. I won't tell you where it is, this is the monthly fun activity. That being said, my tape isn't in the BEST condition. But who cares, I never plan on selling this unless I need to fund my Panda Express addiction because it's likely nobody will donate Panda Express to me. https://www.pandaexpress.com/gift-cards Email the recipient as ashleyjones@icum.to

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This is the end of the monthly column

The subjects and questions were not submitted to me via email (ashleyjones@icum.to). Please submit your questions, tip requests, suggestions, etc. via email with the subject line, "MONTHLY COLUMN", or in the thread linked about the monthly column. I will address them in future monthly column issues. If you are a teacher who wants to use my column as educational reading material for students, you are welcome to do so.

About the author: Ashley Jones