Total word count: 5,802 words.

This is the seventh entry in my monthly columns (which is not strcitly released on a monthly basis). The subjects and questions were submitted to me via email (ashleyjones@icum.to) and my discussion board ( https://tubgurl.com/ashleyj/thread/29878.html ). Please submit your questions, tip requests, suggestions, etc. via email with the subject line, "MONTHLY COLUMN", or in the thread linked about the monthly column.

In this column, I will discuss the following topics:

RSS feed and seed
Approach marriage like your wife is a dog
Wayne Brady has lost all of my respect. This is bad. Very bad.
What if all train conductors were reincarnated as retards and thats why retards love trains?
Plagerized Songs (Allegations made by me)
Do you watch Danny Gonzalez? I feel like you do.
Aren't we all in a state of pre-diabetes?
Feet callus personal goal
How accurate is this image?
You often like 70s-90s shows and movies over ones from the 21st century, what are some from that period you hate?
How do you smell good without deodorant? Or at least some methods of smelling decent in public.
Thoughts on Quake, Blood, and the other 90s FPS. Do you like them?
Bidet Review
OBITUARY OF THE MONTH
BABE OF THE MONTH
Recipe of the Month: Sugar Popcorn

--------------------------------------------

BY POPULAR DEMAND, I HAVE AN RSS FEED FOR MY MONTHLY COLUMN

Here is the xml file: https://dukenukemis.cool/ashleyrss.xml

Approach marriage like your wife is a dog

I have come to realize that women share many similar traits with dogs, and therefore, it is logical that you should treat your wife as you treat your dog. I understand this sounds outlandish at first, but let me explain myself, and soon you will agree with my perspective.

If I were to let my dog loose without a leash, he might have plenty of fun, but harm himself. He has no concept of the harm he may cause himself, as all he can think about is that he is having fun. With his newfound freedom, he is most likely to run and chase a car. He has fun doing this, but cannot understand that he is seconds away from being ran over by the car's wheels and dying a painful death.

Perhaps the driver will think my dog is lost and seize the opportunity to pick him up and take him home to keep as his own dog. Therefore, since I know better than my dog and can forsee these actions and consequences, I keep him on a leash and don't allow him the "fun" that would actually result in harm. We can have fun in a controlled manner under my caring but watchful eye.

Similarly, women tend to have fun in ways that they do not realize are desctructive, not only to her, but to her family. Going to work might be "fun" for her, as it offers her social pleasure (of which I am unable to relate to), but she is only ONE small and stupid disagreement with her husband away from turning one of her male co-workers into her emotional tampon, which thus makes the male co-worker attractive (due to the woman's subconscious desire for conflict and destruction), which results in an affair. This is similar to a dog who prioritizes his desire for self-pleasure over others, and who is mostly incapable of forseeing or being sympathetic to its actions, which, are taken in an act of prioritizing itself over others. A dog may think it's more fun for him to go live with a more adventurous family and does not consider the original owner's feelings when running away in search for more fun (self-pleasure).

For unstable women, staying at home is not fun, becuase it doesn't offer as much socializaiton as work. The problem in this situation being that there are penises at work, and opportunity for penis does not simply stay an opportunity. As you can observe, "fun" in this situation leads to disrupt among the family unit.

Women may think that going thrifting alone or with a galpal is fun, but it's all fun and games until she gets tag-teamed with her galpal in the parking lot by some homeless poor that hangs around the thrift store. Hope they sell rape kits at Goodwill, you're gonna need them. Due to this very real issue of wives being unnaccouncted for, it is always best for a woman to be assisted with her husband on any venture she may persue, such as grocery shopping.

As you can see, women "having fun" can wreck the entire family unit either by her own actions (seeking outside penises) or by others (forecul penis in the parking lot). So while a woman may have the intention of being completely loyal to her husband, she must still be observed at all times by her husband, because we cannot control the will of others and others may bring harm to her.

Because men care for their wives and the wives' wellbeing, they must put the wife on a figuritive leash, so her fun is had in a controlled, yet, positive manner for the wife and thus, positively impacing her family. Women must be chaperoned in the same way dogs must be walked; on a leash.

If you adopted a dog that was destructive, that constantly wanted to run away, that exhibited violent tendencies, that couldn't be left alone in a room with children, and so on, you would consider this to be a "bad dog". You may even decide that enough is enough and get rid of the dog.

What makes a good dog good? Its loyalty and obedience. The same is true for a wife. However, everyone would agree that in order for a dog (and a woman) to have these positive traits, it has to be trained with a loving but firm hand. You punish the dog when it misbehaves and rewards it when it behaves well. To carify, you don't punish the dog with physical abuse.

Women shouldn't wear shoes. Why? I don't let my dog wear shoes, figuratively speaking. Shoes give a woman the freedom to leave the yard of your home. If women weren't allowed to wear shoes, it would limit their mobility, and thus their ability to leave home. Societally, we would also likely do away with ugly landscaping practices, like "rock gardens" or gravel roads, since these would impede the woman from doing her work outdoors, such as gardening or playing with the children. However, you could utilize gravel for your benefit by placing gravel around the surrounding outer perimeter of your home as to limit your wife from passing the painful gravel perimeter due to the lack of shoes. My husband only allows me to wear flip-flops under strict supervision, and I thank him for it.

When I want my dog to orally pleasure me, I slather my genitals in peanut butter, figuritively speaking. If you want your wife to start pleasuring you orally, you have to do the same. This is why the flavored lubricant market is a multi-billion dollar industry; in the same way that your dog loves peanut butter, your wife will appreciate the taste of a raspberry tart instead of precum and old piss dribbles. It just makes sense.

I know there are several married men who read my column. Start treating your wife EXACTLY like you treat your dog for the next 30 days. Then email me and let me know how much better your life is.

Wayne Brady has lost all of my respect. This is bad. Very bad.

Dear Dairy,

Welp. My day is ruined. For some people, Hulk Hogan died today. For me, Wayne Brady died today.

Wayne Brady is one of my favorite celebrities, mostly because he is a game show host for Let's Make a Deal, and he is on one of my favorite shows, Whose Line is it Anyway?. I have been watching a lot of Whose Line is it Anyway this month, and I was curious as to how old Wayne Brady is because black don't crack (aka he looks young). Black people don't need baby blood to look young -- just lots of baby oil (to prevent ashy-ness). This was my first mistake. Upon trying to find his age, I learned something about Wayne Brady that I wish I could remove from my memory.

Wayne Brady claims he is "pansexual" -- and in his own words, this means, "Bisexual — with an open mind!”

AKA WAYNE BRADY HAS JACKED OFF TO TRANNIES.

Oh my days, this has truly ruined my entire week. When I'm watching Let's Make a Deal, the LAST thing I want to be thinking about is Wayne Brady sucking cock. Those same lips I'm watching that are announcing the next winner are also the same lips that have guzzled down tranny cum. Listen -- I don't care if Wayne Brady is a homo, IF, he kept it private. Be like Eddie Murphy, Wayne. Be a homo in secret, and when you get caught getting head by a tranny in a car, just kill the tranny like Eddie Murphy did. No need to tell all of us that you like she-nises. Just enjoy it in private while basking in shame (and in cum).

Here's an obsrvation I've had. On Whose Line is it Anyways, the improv lineup often kiss each other for jokes. Well, knowing that Wayne probably lingered a second too long on those kisses is now making me feel so upset. If I were one of the other male actors on that show, I wouldn't feel comfortable "joke" kissing Wayne Brady anymore. I just hope this is one long, terrible skit. But it isn't. How can two black guys confidently have gaynal sex with each other? You could never be certain that there isn't poop on your brown penis.

But wait -- it gets worse (as Billy Maise would say).

Apparently Wayne Brady is doing a reality TV show with his ex-wife, his 21 year old daughter, and his EX-WIFE'S NEW BOYFRIEND. This obviously implies that they are all living together, and judging by the picture, they all live togehter. So not only is Wayne Brady a homosexual tranny lover, he's also a cuck.

Imagine taking a photo like this, following around your ex-wife and her new boytoy like a little dog.

I am in the incorrect timeline. First I learn that apparently stuffing isn't made by Stouffers, and now Wayne Brady is ""pansexual""? I'm ready to disconnect from society.

--------------------------------------------

What if all train conductors were reincarnated as retards and thats why retards love trains?

I am very certain that reincarnation is one of the many ventures our souls may go on. Some have thoerized that homosexuals may have been women in their past lives, and that is why they love sucking cock and cum in this life. Or maybe they were just molested. Who knows. But, one interesting thought I had. I was curious as to why so many extreme retards are obsessed with trains. It's an observation I've had long before this was socially acceptable to say.

Then the answer hit me: All past train conductors were reincarnated as retards and thats why they love trains.

Now a new question remains: Why did god decide to make all train conductors retarded?

--------------------------------------------

Plagerized Songs (Allegations made by me)

Sometimes I hear two songs that sound very similar, and upon trying to see if others have noticied this similarity, I come up empty-handed. Therefore, I have complied comparisons of a few plagerized songs that others have not noticed.

Grease Summer Nights by Grease (1978) - You Lost That Lovin' Feeling by Hall & Oates (1980)
I hate musicals. For some reason they attract the most unhinged, alcoholic women. It's almost as if women cannot process emotion unless that emotion is drasically overdisplayed, therefore, musicals are very appealing to women because they can actually understand them. I am not a fan of Grease, so my knowing of this song is not an endorsement. However, I know of the song and realized that the intro of Summer Nights sounds very similar to Hall and Oates' cover of You've Lost that Loving Feeling.

Unfortunately, it looks like Hall and Oates copied Grease, as Grease was released first. Speaking of Grease, I bet John Travolta puts a bunch of grease on his butthole as he prepares for his various male lovers.

Dancing Queen by Abba (August 16, 1976) - Dance With Me by Orleans (July 19, 1975)
Dancing Queen is a much more well known song. However, I have never really liked that song and I actually really like "Dance with Me". I am a big fan of 1970's music, and when I heard Dance with Me, I felt a sense that this song sounded really familiar. Eventually I realized that it sounds very similar to Dancing Queen. The titles alone are similar, both in the topic and in the cadence/syllables (3 each both with the word "dance" being the first word). Aside from both song's main hook (dancing queen, dance with me) sound VERY similar, the way both phrases are sung sound similar. "DAANCING QU/EEEEN" (/ indicates rise in pitch) "DAAANCE WITH M/EEE" (/ indicates rise in pitch) Dance with Me almost sounds like an acoustic version of Dancing Queen. If you observe the release dates, Abba did not originally create this tune.

Dr. Mario 1990 - Hitching a Ride 1969
I played a lot of Dr. Mario in my youth on the original Gameboy. I am curious as to why puzzle games intrige women more than men. Anyways, I heard the song Hitching a Ride by Vanity Fare (which is a song I enjoy) and was shocked to hear what sounded like a part of Dr. Mario playing in this song. As usual, it is clear that Nintendo has stolen the works of others with no credit nor permission. Ironically, Nintendo gets their chopsticks in a twist when anyone else copies their IP, but the same restrictions don't apply to them. I geuess when you're Asian, you're used to outsmarting everybody. But I caught this one:

Megadeth 99 Ways to Die - System of a Down accusation
Derrick found this one. Everytime he hears the Megadeth song, this part sounds like some part of a song by System of a Down. But he can't figure out which System of a Down song it sounds like. Since Derrick is retarded, this is the best he can do. He has only provided the original song and not the copied version by System of a Down that may not even exist. Wait, nevermind. Derrick thinks he found the part that sounds similar, but not enough to call it plagerism.

Sweet Little Sixteen by Chuck Betty - Surfing USA by The Beach Boys
All of the previous entries were songs that I couldn't find mentions of them being plagerized. However, Surfing USA was such an overt and direct copy of Sweet Little Sixteen, that Chick Berry sued the Beach Boys. When I first heard Sweet Little Sixteen, I was almost as shocked as the hookers Chuck Berry would fart on. Previously, I had only heard Surfing USA.

--------------------------------------------

Do you watch Danny Gonzalez? I feel like you do.

I'm very insulted by this question, and I suspect this question was asked with the intention of making me irate. Just because we both look like permanent 12 year olds doesn't mean I'd watch his videos. Unlike little Danny, I'm not interested in discussing iPhone apps or 2000s chick flicks. The only chick flicks I watch are on xhamster.com. Anyways. If you listen to anyone tell you their thoughts about the movie Legally Blonde for 40 minutes, and you're not putting your penis inside of this person's vagina at the end of the night, then you need to rethink your priorities (or, alternatively, you're listening to your mom. In which case, I would advocate against putting your penis inside of your mom, EVEN in extreme cases to prove dominance.).

I would also like to add that looking at this homosexual's thumbnails make my bloodpressure spike, and I'm prediabetic, so I need to be careful. He looks like he's trying to hold in his dump in public but is starting to smeel the feces which is giving him a slightly concerned facial expression (note that this thought experiment would be a VERY difficult task for him to execute in reality, seeing as he's likely a seasoned homosexual with a loose hole).

This guy looks permanently 12 years old, and not in a hot kind of way, more in a Michael Cera type of way. But even Michael Cera can muster up enough testosterone for a mustache.

--------------------------------------------

There shouldn't be a distinction between different states of diabetes. Either you're diabetic or not. There shouldn't be pre-diabetes, There shouldn't be a distinction between different states of diabetes. Either you're diabetic or not. There shouldn't be pre-diabetes, and if there is, then there should also be post-diabetes. There's no such thing as pre-IBS, pre-cancer, or pre-cum. But there is certainly post-cancer (death) and post-cum (depression). So what is post-diabetes?

In reality, aren't we all in a state of pre-diabetes? The people who talk about being pre-diabetic are women who make ailments their personalities. Have you ever met these types of people who non-stop talk about their ailments, almost with a sense of pride? And they have nothing else to talk about aside from that. These types of women (because only women do this) have no social awareness to pick up on the fact that I don't care about what material her recent kidney stone was made out of. This archetype of woman is the only type of person you will ever hear talk about pre-diabetes. So here is my tip for you. The next time a 67 year old woman won't shut up boasting pridefully about her ailments, mention that you have pre-diabetes. She will light up and immediately start talking about her equally as pretend pre-diabetes.

------------------------------------------

Let's face it -- my feet are a catastrophe. They aren't a sexual organ, they are for utility. That is why I am trying to build calluses on both feet on the entire bottom perimiter of each foot. Essentially, I will have a thick layer of shoe skin; natural skin shoes, you might say. We don't need shoes to survive and travel efficiently. In times past, people would proceed with their daily tasks unshoed (pronounced un-shawed). This happened due to walking around for long periods of time with bare feet, which would naturally build up a thick callus on the foot.

This desire for skin shoes came about by happenstance. I have been walking around a lot lately, and without shoes. I have developed calluses all over my feet, and I like touching them and not being able to feel my actual feet due to the thick calluses. As a woman true to my word, I do not wear shoes in an effort to respect my husband and to build trust with my husband.

------------------------------------------

How accurate is this image?

Very accurate. Some people have projected a false image as to what they wish I was like, and usually this projection is a relfection of their life. I know this because at no point do I present myself as someone who is bored for hours on end, is lonely, and depressed with no prospects in life. However, this very scenario is something multiple people have assumed of me, which is baffling. Someone who puts on a fake penis and tranny socks likely has many hobbies like programming and watching anime, and this person is likely very socially adjusted and happy.

Aside from the question which I had just answered, there's something else I need to address. Who sits at a table to eat? The only correct way to eat any meal is on your bed. We have the comfort and luxury of a Temperpedic, and you're telling me people still choose to sit on a cold, hard, surface like a chair and table? There's also the risk that you will have to communicate with family members or roommates while eating at a table, which is a most unjoyable way to eat a meal.

You often like 70s-90s shows and movies over ones from the 21st century, what are some from that period you hate?

I don't watch too many shows or movies. Generally, I watch something if I think I would really like it. There are plenty of 1970's shows I know I would hate, and thus, I haven't watched those shows/movies. I won't name those shows in an effort to not offend my Baby Boomer audience. I will say that for some reason, I've noticed that media filmed in the 60's to early 70's tends to make the males' skin look orange and greasy, and I like that. It makes them look more masculine for some reason, I like that they're sweaty. Does anyone know why they all look orange and sweaty?

I recently mentioned my attraction towards old men and women in a post on my imageboard. Well, when I was 12-13, I had a massive crush on Richard Dawson, who I know from hosting game shows such as Family Fued (original) and Match Game. I liked how he looked even when he was old. Still do. I would wake up before going to school and watch Match Game and swoon over Richard Dawson.

I fall in love with almost every male game show host I see (that isn't of African descent (sorry)). The other major crush I have is the man who hosted Press Your Luck, who is allegedly Jewish (oops).

"Smelling good" can mean two different things, of which I am not sure which path you're looking to go. You can "smell good" via means of obscuring or removing the body's natural odor in favor of artificial scents (such as perfume) or highly concentrated scents (such as essential oils). Alternatively, you can smell neutral, yet, devoid off any natural bodily scents.

Since you are looking to not utilize deoderant, I assume you dislike artificial products applied to the body. Therefore, I will not advise any use of scents in my answer. I don't wear deoderant due to various factors, such as it being unnatural to obscure your prespiring holes. In fact, doing this clogs the very important role of your lymphatic system, which drains out harmful or unnecesarry chemicals from your body. By obscuring this function, you are much more likely to develop cancer, as your body is not able to drain these harmful chemicals from your body via sweating.

I have not worn deoderant in years. Armpit hair works as a natural method to soak up sweat and thus obscures the "bad" smells. However, if you were to put your nose up to my armpit and take a whiff, there would be a musk that would give you a boner (as female sweat emits pheromones, which sexually excites the opposite gender). When I remove my armpit hair (sometimes I seldom do), the sweat volume increases drastically, and the smell does the same. Well, the volume of sweat doesn't actually increase, but, since the hair is not there (that rhymed) to soak up the sweat, it appears as though there is more sweat, and it also doesn't soak up the sweat smell.

So, my answer is to simply not wear deoderant and to utilize your armpit hair to soak up the smell for you, which decreases the actual scent.

Alternatively, you could mix a little bit of baking soda with water until it forms a paste and rub this on your armpits. I have done this and it works perfectly. Only a very small amount of water is needed for this. You can also use baking soda and water as toothpase. Anyone who says not to do this is brainwashed, and I would not advise listening to them.

------------------------------------------

I have never played Queek or Blood, but Blood is one that I want to play someday, along with Shadow Warrior. I don't play that many games, but I tend to find one that I really like and play a lot of it. Blood has been on my list for a few years, so I will try to play it soon on easy mode. If I play on hard I'm worried I might spike my pre-diabetes.

------------------------------------------

For years I have loathed at using toilet paper, as it is not a matter of opinion but rather, actual fact, that smearing your poop around your b-hole until your arm gets tired is NOT the most cleanly way to sanitize one's back hole. I decided to treat myself and finally get a bidet. Let me walk you through my methodology on selecting a bidet: I did NOT want to get a hand-held bidet sprayer, as I had the foresight to determine that a sprayer would mean your hand would need to be behind your anus as you spray, which would pose the risk of shartnel (much like shratinal) to spray all around your cheeks and hands. This would require me to do more moving around than I would like, as well as spray poop all around like my buttcheeks were an abrtract artist's canvas. With this thinking in mind, I settled on a totally hands-free bidet.

This bidet is not only hands-free, so you can use your hands in ANY way you please as you spray yourself down, but this bidet also has a warming feature so you do not need to surprise yourself with cold water to the anus. Such a practice sounds like a torture tactic used in the medieval times. There are also two different settings for the bidet: "rear" and "feminine". Rear meaning it sprays your asshole clean, and feminine meaning it sprays your front hole sorta clean. I'm not convinced that front holes are ever truly clean. In any event, I would like to get a label to rename these two settings. Rear -> Bussy. Feminine -> man cave.

Cons of this device: If you practice in gaynal (or strainal) sex, your rear hole may be loose and open, and therefore, it would be more like giving yourself a toilet enema every time you use the bidet. Therefore, the bidet is for only normal people who don't partake in such activies. Con #2: You can't see how much blood you have after tearing a new anal fissure. This is unfortuante, as I like seeing how much blood I leaked after tearing myself from yesterday's dinner. In this case, I recommend wiping first solely to see how much blood there is, THEN using the bidet function.

I would highly recommend this product to everyone. I know it seems a little gay to spray water on your anus, but it's actually much quicker to use than toilet paper, and it is way more sanitary. I feel like the use of toilet paper is a hold-over from the times when people didn't have power to facilitate a bidet device. Trust me, one swipe is enough to confirm you're fully clean. Unless you have dumps like cement, just let the bidet run on your anyus for a little bit longer, move your hips in a circle on the toilet seat, with your eyes closed and mouth slightly agape so better visualize the anal cleanising, to ensure all of the anyus is clean. I know it sounds gay to spray your anus with water as your moving your hips on a circle whith your eyes closed and mouth slightly agape while on the toilet seat, but it makes you so clean and ready.

I would recommend keeping a stack of cotton washcloths by your toilet so you can dab off the water/cum off your anus so you're not wet when you put your panties back on. Or you can be a sociopath like me and just put your pants back on while it's all wet down there.

If my review has inspired you to stop being disgusting and invest in a bidet, please email me so I know I have some positive impact in this world.

------------------------------------------

Tyrese went byebye on August 1st, 2025. His obituary makes no mention as to how he died, but maybe it was due to old age. Even though Tyrese died young at only 23 years old, he made it a lot further than his other counterparts who succumbed to deaths at Planned Parenthood. I guess going to "the hood" has two different meanings in their dialect. In any event, it seems as though Ty Guy made the best of his life here. His obituary makes no mention of a wife or kids, so maybe he left them (of course).

Since his obituary makes very little mention of his accomplishments or hobbies, I will have to fill in the blacks. I mean blanks.

Tyrse was born April 9, 2002 and was the youngest of his many half-siblings, those of which could be confirmed, anyways. Black families are genealogical mysteries. Growing up, he enjoyed horse racing and dreamed of moving to Kentucky, not just for the fried chicken, but to become a horse jockey. Sadly, he died of old age before his dreams could be realized.

Unforunately, those dreams would be cut short, and those words are synonyms to describe his penis. I guess his entire body is stiff right now, being dead and all (RIP) (PBUH).

And now you know the rest of the story.

White people tend to pose with things like fish they caught or deer they hunted. The black version of that is to pose with money.

HEAVEN OR HELL? MY VERDICT: Due to those pants, he's in fashion hell. But I'm sure he could buy his way to heaven with all that money.

PIMP MY FUNERAL PICTURE: If the family wants to make Tyrese look like he was even more rich, you can use this picture I altered for the funeral service. I opted to not make it black and white because that would be redundant.

Here's what that picture could look like:

I am including obituaries in my future columns. If you or anyone you know has recently died, please email me with the details. I will include a small memorial for them in my next column. Please email me the dead fuck's name, a picture of them, a little information about them (what they acheived in life, their line of work, if they were ever married/divorced, had kids, etc.), and include the cause of death. I think it's really irritating that obituaries rarely include the cause of death out of "respect". Now I feel like a disrespectful retard because I'm trying to search online as to how this person died. Anyways, email me ashleyjones@icum.to if you have someone you want to be memorialized in the next monthly column.

BABE OF THE MONTH

Billy Corgan WITH HAIR

Don't get confused -- the image you see is of a MAN. That "babe" is NOT a woman. I was having trouble finding a babe this month, when I came across this image I had saved onto my computer. I realized that the babe was stored on my hard drive all along.

When you think of Billy Corgan, you imagine a pudgy bald man playing with WWE action figures. But, did you know that at one point, this seemingly pathetic manchild was once attractive? In reality, I can't give William (formerly known as Billy) any flack. His pinky finger holds more talent that I will ever encompass, and that same pinky finger has grazed on thousands of women, unlike my pinky finger, which only grazes against my b-hole when I accidentally pop through the toilet paper when I'm wiping too hard -- OH WAIT, that ISN'T an issue anymore since I have a bidet. Anyways, I find Billy Corgan pre-cancer to be super cute. I like long hair, and long hair suited him very well. His talent makes him even more attractive. By "talent", I mean him being able to manage a branch of the WWE.

Smashing Pumpkins had recently "came back", in reality, I think it was just Billy and the drummer or someone useless like that. I listened to the album and I felt embarassed that I was listening to it. Musicians need to be depressed and on drugs to make good music. The moment they start experiencing success AND mental clarity is when musical talent is out the door. If I'm going to listen to another Smashing Pumpkins album, Billy better be on meth so it's enjoyable to listen to.

I tried to see if Billy Corgan had a GoFunMe for his cancer, but I couldn't find one. I was hoping I could donate one of my wigs to him so he would be cute again.

Recipe of the Month: Sugar Popcorn

This is really awesome popcorn, please make it. Please email me or post on my imageboard if you make it. Nobody has ever told me if they have attempted one of my many stolen recipes. So, if you try this please inform me. It would be even better if you sent a picture along with your detailed feedback.

I used to be very scared when I made popcorn on the stove. I would scream every time I heard a popcorn pop, and I would crouch down away from the stove. Now that I have made stove popcorn many times, I don't really know why I would scream so much. I think I was scared a piece would pop and hit me.

Ingredients:
1/4 cup oil
1/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup popcorn kernals

Step 1: You need a big pot for this with a lid.

Step 2: Put the pot on the stove on medium-high heat and pour in the oil into the pot. Place 3 kernals of p-corn into the pot. DO NOT COVER IT, OK?

Step 3: Wait until all 3 p-corn kernels have popped. Then dump in the 1/2 cup of popcorn. Don't worry, the popcorn won't hurt you because it won't pop right away.

Step 4: Put the lid on. Shake the pot while holding the lid every few seconds to precent the popcorn from sticking and burning. Keep doing this until the popcorn's pops are spaced out to every 2-3 seconds. When this happens, remove the pot from the heat.

Step 5: Dump in some of the sugar and cover the pot and shake to distribute the sugar. Do this until all of the sugar is in.

Step 6: Eat popcorn.

This is the end of the monthly column

The subjects and questions were submitted to me via email (ashleyjones@icum.to) and my discussion board ( https://tubgurl.com/ashleyj/thread/29878.html ). Please submit your questions, tip requests, suggestions, etc. via email with the subject line, "MONTHLY COLUMN", or in the thread linked about the monthly column. I will address them in future monthly column issues. If you are a teacher who wants to use my column as educational reading material for students, you are welcome to do so.

About the author: Ashley Jones