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September 25, 2025 Total word count: 10,081 words.
This is the eighth entry in my monthly columns (which is not strcitly released on a monthly basis). This is my longest monthly column yet, reaching a record word-count of over 10,000 words. Some of the subjects and questions were submitted to me via email (ashleyjones@icum.to) and my discussion board https://tubgurl.com/ashleyj/thread/29878.html. Please submit your questions, tip requests, suggestions, etc. via email with the subject line, "MONTHLY COLUMN", or in the thread linked about the monthly column. In this column, I will discuss the following topics:
Someone is skinwalking me I will preface this with the promise that I don't have schizophrenia nor am I paranoid. If you have watched my videos in times past, you may have heard mentions of my vouyristic love of skin walkers. To clarify, skin walkers are people who emulate another person, either in apperance or in personality, or sometimes both. Well, it seems that the law of attraction is at play here, because I officially have the my very own skin walker. I'm worried that my writing of this will scare the skin walker away. Please know that the following is just a documentation, much like you would document a wild animal that you found in the forest. My intent is not to scare away the skin walker nor harm it in anyway (emotionally speaking). In fact, I feel a sense of honor that there's anything about my personality so appealing that it must be copied. But much like Nintendo, I'm very protective over my intellectual property (me) and I must make this person bankrupt for daring to emulate something that's nearly 30 years old. Seeing as this skinwalker is male, I just hope he doesn't copy my love of sucking cock and guzzling gallons of cum and wearing skirts. That would be soooo terrible. I do find this factoid interesting, though. Usually skinwalkers come in the form of being female, because females universally lack creativity and originality. This is the one time I've observed a male skinwalker. Other notable skinwalkers I have discussed are:
 -The Jewish female Luke Smith (let's call her Jewk Smith) skin walker who I am praying goes bald like Luke Smith, because her hair is absoloutely attrosious. Her Youtube channel is called Bread on Penguins. MY SKIN WALKER: THE EVIDENCE: EVIDENCE ITEM #1: VERBATIM COPYING OF MY ENTRIES, WRITING STYLE, AND WEB PAGES The pages below are embedded web pages that you can scroll and click on. Here is "about me" page: Here is his "about me (aka Ashley Jones) page. Coincidence? You will notice that his "about me" page copies my "about me" page, with him having the same "overview" as me, except with less superior information, such as not being a lesbian. If you have eyes (blind people are not allowed on this website, so if you are blind, please stop having your text-to-speech read out to you, now. Get out. Go stare at the wall), you will notice that he also copied my pages, such and Likes and Dislikes, My convictions, My goals, etc. It's not to say that I own the copyright of someone having a "my likes and dislikes" page. Plenty of people talk about such things on their website. However, having so many verbatim pages ALSO on the "about me" page is more than suspect (or, "sussy"). It's copying. But it only gets worse the further we explore, much like when you finger your own asshole. So let's go deeper, shall we? If you click on both of our "Likes and Dislikes" pages, you will see that this is another example of him trying to become me. Notice that his page copies mine in the things I discuss, as well as in the SAME order. The audacity. My likes and dislikes page order: His likes and dislikes page order: I like how this big shot had to differenciate between mind 2D relationships and "real life" relationships. You know why I didn't include a "Likes: Relationship - Real Life" on my likes page? Because I don't like my husband. I love him. And if David Wolfe is truly going to become me, he has to love my husband better than I can. Get your knee pads on, David. David copied my likes and dislikes almost verbatim, with his commentary further elaborting "his" views. So it's not a matter of simply copying-and-pasting my web page. Instead, he justifies MY views as HIS OWN and expands upon MY views as his own. Here's an example:
Likes (Morals) By Ashley Jones
Likes (Morals) By David Wolfe Likes (Nature) By Ashley Jones Likes (Nature) By David Wolfe Likes (Living Conditions) By Ashley Jones Likes (Living Conditions) By David Wolfe One of his likes is a "sunny room". Ok, yeah, we're definitely dealing with a mentally ill person. Anyways -- his dislikes continue this trend. Oh, but what's that? Looks like you forgot to add something to your dislikes, David. ORIGINALITY. The only thing he DID NOT copy from me is his love for Owl City. Please know that even under the threat of death, I would never listen to Owl City. That is strictly an opinion held by the skinwalker. The other terrible opinion he has is that .webp is "the best file format". Webp is easily the worst file format, and I will write more about this later, as it's something I've wanted to address for a long time. Here, David. Do you like this .webp?  This image is "never gonna get you up" But wait, there's more. He has started writing in my writing style. To be honest, I didn't really know I had a "writing style" until I saw this guy's website, and now I realize how ostentatious I sound due to the skin walker highlighting the phrases I tend to use and ways I convey my thoughts. It's strange to read someone try to phrase their thoughts in a way that I would say these things. I plan on adopting written ebonics and even in tongues to throw this guy off. fiefweghiuh fejifow ew93r92 fnewpq, nigga. EVIDENCE ITEM #2: COPYING MY VERY NICHE INTERESTS EVIDENCE ITEM #3: COPYING MY OPINIONS I would be glad to influence others with my opinion, however, D*vid Wolfe took it as his own. https://davidwolfe.xyz/monthly-column/20-august-2025.htmlStraight guys are gay (not me though, I'm straight-straight). Watching porn is virtual cuckoldry, yet it seems to be accepted and normalised. I first saw porn was I was 19, I didn't understand what the hype was. Some people pay for porn, I find that very bizzare. EVIDENCE ITEM #4: COPYING MY GOALS EVIDENCE ITEM #5: COPYING MY TECHNOLOGY RULES -Never using wifi and only using ethernet cables for internet I think these habits are good, hence why I have them, and I do encourage others to do this. But, seeing this in aggregate with all of the other skin walker bahavior feels insincere. EVIDENCE ITEM #6: COPYING HAVING A 2D WAIFU/HUSBANDO  Yes, I watched my own video. EVIDENCE ITEM #7: HAVING A VOIP PHONE LINE EVIDENCE ITEM #8: COPYING ME ON A SYNTAXICAL LEVEL EVIDENCE ITEM #9: COPYING MY BACKGROUNDS
EVIDENCE ITEM #10: STOP MENTIONING YOUR FORESKIN
EVIDENCE ITEM #11: IS THIS A THREAT? THE TERRIBLE OPINIONS HE DID NOT COPY FROM ME (HENCE WHY THEY'RE TERRIBBLE) I want to clarify once again that any opinion you read on his website that you disagree with is NOT MY OPINION. Anything you read on his website that you think, "that is stupid", is David's own independent thought. This includes: thinking .webp is in any way a decent fileformat, liking Owl City, and giving non-virgin females a chance at a relationship. Conclusion on David Wolfe: I'm glad to inspire anyone to do things such as disengage with Google services, utilizing ethernet rather than wifi, creating a website, using Peertube, etc. These are all good things that more of us must do. However, absorbing my personality and molding himself to many of my personal opinions, wriitng style, etc. will only result in burn-out, as it's like a costume that's fun to wear initally, but will grow boring in the long term, because it's not actually him. While I selfishly want him to continue to skin walk me so that I can obsess over how he's copied some minor detail about myself; objectively speaking, it would be heathlier for him to stop emulating me and to simply be himself. That way he will stay around longer and detail his true interests, thoughts, opinions, etc. So, until he truly becomes himself, I only have one solution: 
I have a bounty out on David Wolfe. We don't know what he looks like (yet). This is an artist's interpretation as to what he *may* look like. All we know is that he's Persian, wears eyeliner, and allegedly lives in Britian, but he could be larping as Rose since he picked Wolfe as his last name. If any of you can successfully kill David Wolfe, I will reward you with a $20 voucher to Walmart for the Walmart beans (see below). You can buy 20 cans of beans. David's life is worth 20 cans of beans.
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I will preface this with the promise that I don't have schizophrenia nor am I paranoid. Oops, I accidentally copied and pasted the first sentence from my previous topic. Anyways, moving on. This is the one time I have ever considered using a trigger warning. I apologize if the phrase "walmart beans" made you hurl. Buy hey -- at least now you have room for some Walmart beans to go inside of you. I admit it, "walmart beans" sounds gross. It sounds like some sort of 2013 challenge where you eat a can of Walmart beans to raise awareness for eczema. But the only challenge I'm facing is to stop consuming so many walmart beans. I've gone though roughly 13 cans this past month. I had to check the ingredients to ensure that there was not MSG added to the beans, because something about them is addicting. If I keep this up, I may have to go on no-bean. To correctly enjoy these beans, you must warm them up on the stovetop in a sauce pan (with a lid). Of course, you will need to utilize some sort of oil to prevent the beans from sticking to the pan. Canola oil is for poor people who want cancer. I only recommend avocado oil for cooking. Yes, pairing an expensive oil with a $1 walmart bean can is a flex. I'm probably the richest person eating these canned beans. After researching these by looking at the label in hopes of no MSG, I discovered what makes them so delicious. Walmart himself adds garlic powder, onion powder, and cayenne powder to these beans. I add onion and garlic powder to almost every meal I make. If you don't use onion powder, you need to invest in some. It genuinely makes a meal taste way better. You don't need a fancy onion powder, we're roleplaying as poors here with the Walamrt Beans, anyways. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I buy my onion powder from Dollar Tree, and it tastes amazing. I promise I'm not on EBT. I would like to point out that in order to eat these canned beans, you must observe that I am capable of correctly using a can opener. This is a task that not everyone can accomplish, but I can... beans. Can beans. If you have the misfortune of living in the United States, please do yourself a favor and put on your favorite XXXL shirt, hop into your motorized scooter, and scooter on over to the bean aisle at Walmart. These beans are only $1, and it's a dollar well spent. --------------------------------------------
I really hate the word "app". I almost cannot even write about it because it gets me too angry. I very rarely experience negative emotions, and it's even rarer that I get "outraged". However, the word "app" is a word that quickly gets me annoyed. This is because the word "app" is now everywhere, when it has no right to be. The word represents the high adoption rate of "smart phones", which are an incredibly flawed mode of communication and utilizing the internet. Despite this, "apps" on mobile phones are how most people use the internet. This has now resulted in people calling software on computers as "apps". It irritates me more than anything else. I hate "apps", and so to see this word be adapted to software that is nothing close to "apps" in the colloquial sense is a bastardization of SOFTWARE. For those unaware, the word "software" or "program" was always used to describe such things. Once smart phones became utilized, we saw the introduction of the word "app". The use of the word "app" was solely used for smart phone applications -- a shortening of the word "application". In fact, the word "application" was largely used by Apple originally. (App -> Apple). Once smartphones (specifically iPhones) rose to popularity did people adapt to the word "app" over "program" or "software". It is like calling every smart phone an "iPhone" or every video game console a "Nintendo". It is important to realize that when you are writing software, you are programming. That is exactly why these two words are acceptable to use when describing executable programs. You will also notice that in order to make a computer work, you will need hardware (physical computing devices) and software (virtual programs). To make software, you program. These two words make complete sense and are understandable as to why they've been used to describe executable tasks up until recently. "App" is a shortening for "application". To me, I have always associated this as a newer word to describe very basic executable software for phones akin to toys rather than actual robust software. This is an accurate assumption, as completing any task on a phone will always be inferior to completing tasks on a computer. The word "app" became highly utilized when iPhones became popular. "App", while annoying, was reserved to describe software for phones. It isn't until recently that I have seen the word "app" become used to describe computer software -- which is bizarre. It is an example of people blindly adapting to a word without thinking about that word's origins, context, and general usage. Calling computer software or programs an "app" is wrong. I have noticed that people will start utilizing a word or phrase, simply because they hear others use this word or phrase in a repetitive amount. If you hear or read something enough, then you, too, will start utilizing this word without even thinking about it. I am always very conscious about what words I use and why. This is why I have a "words I oppose" list, where I refuse to say certain words because of the ideology they represent. Here are some examples:
Word: Trans
Word: "Google it" / "Google (verb)"
Word: Content or "content creator"
Referring to software on computers as "apps" is not even the worst of it. I had hope that this was a fad that zoomers were saying because they're too stupid to realize the difference. My hopes were all for nothing, because I am now seeing the word "app" not only to describe computer software, but I am now seeing the word "app" to describe scripts, instances such as Mastodon or Peertube, and unfortunately, even WEBSITES. There are spin-offs of the word "app", such as "web app". Essentially, the word "app" is now being adopted to mean "anything that's digital that does something". So really, anything is a "web app". I was installing software onto my server, and I couldn't keep count of how many times I saw the word "app" being utilized to describe various digital things, such as python scripts and open source computer software. I had to close my browser because I got too upset seeing this word used liberally, over, and over. I will note that the word "application" and even "app" was used in the early 1980's to describe a certain type of computer software. This term specifically was called "killer app", and you likely won't hear that term much today. This term was used to describe software that enticed the sale of a computer. For example, you might buy an iPhone for the iPhone exlusive app called Gindr. You weren't particularly interested in the iPhone, buy you want Grindr so bad that you purchased an iPhone. This is an example of a killer app. Just be careful going on Grindr or you might get a killer bug. "Killer app" and "app" are completely different than the term "app" alone is used today. The vast majority of the time, "software" and "program" were used to describe computer software. App should continue to be reserved for mobile phones. Overall, the word "app" historically represents shovelware on "smart phones". It is not logical nor accurate to utilize this word anywhere else other than on "smart phones". Keep in mind that "smart phones" were initially trying to copy the computer. It makes no sense for the computer to now try and copy the phone. They are two separate worlds, and without the power and ease of creation that computers offer, phones would cease to exist. Please stop calling websites, software, and scripts an "app". --------------------------------------------
What do you think of men wearing eyeliner? You mentioned makeup is a scam but you also have an interest in emo bands. Do you like eyeliner on men in the same way you like long hair on men? Well, there's a few things to address here before I can answer the main question, "what do you think of men wearing eyeliner?". Yes, I largely think makeup is a "scam" in the sense that it's overused to the point where females look like different people while wearing makeup. I don't necesarrily have qualms about small amounts of makeup, like winged eyeliner, as it doesn't make the female look like a completely different person. Or perhaps you have a disgusting mole that you're aware nobody wants to look at -- cover it up until you can get it removed, you disfigurement. These are acceptable uses of makeup. I don't really have to answer this question, because society has already answered it for you. Go head, sneak into your mommy's bathroom. After you're done installing the security camera into her toilet, slap a little of her eyeliner onto your eyes and then go walk out into public. What's that you feel? Shame. What's the other thing you feel? Safe, knowing that if a burgler decides to use the toilet, you'll know exactly what his anus looks like thanks to the handy security camera you set up in your mom's toilet. Some of the most insufferable B-list celebrities wear guyliner.
Part of why I dislike telling people that I listen to emo music is because they completely misunderstand what real, actual emo music is. This is why I try to say that I listen to "post hardcore" music, as it wards off any misconception that I may like corporate approved bands that had to sacrifice babies in order to get signed with Capital Records. People assume that emo music is My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, or whatever other pop garbage that was popular in 2006. These bands are not emo at all. My Chemcial Romance somehow sounds like an even gayer version of Queen. I'm pretty sure instead of a drummer, they just have the rhythmic sound of two guys having gay sex as the beat in their songs. I actually don't have anything against the singer of My Chemical Romance, but I can't stand the music.
The singers in those types of very popular """"emo"""" bands (which are not actually emo) always have the "look" of being emo, without the music sounding so. It's a very corporate friendly band where the band members wear a costume. Actual emo bands (such as Thursday, Circa Survive/Saosin, The Blood Brothers, Chiodos, etc.) tend to have normal looking guys as the front men, because they're not trying to sell laminated (to prevent squirt damage) posters to horny 14 year old girls at Hot Topic. The people who listen to actual post hardcore don't care what the band looks like.      
Ngl bros, would a geoff rickly so hard in that picture (first image). As you can see, not a single line of eyeliner graces the eyes of these men. The only makeup that they will wear is lipstick around their sweaty dong after the concert. Also, I need to confess that I find this certain move these singers do to be very attractive. In between the seizuring dance moves on stage, some of them lift up their forearm while keeping their hand floppy and flail it around. It looks like a chicken wing, or an old woman holding a purse. I don't know why, but I like it. 
I need to edit the watermark out. And that wedding ring off. Now I want to address acceptable uses of male eyeliner. One being goth males. I have always admired the authentic goth look -- skin so white that even Hitler is jealous of it. Black eyes so dark that even Chris Brown couldn't reproduce them. In terms of celebrities, I like Robert Smith and I allow him to wear eyeliner. That lipstick is a different story, though. It looks like he kissed goatse. And to end this on an upsetting note here's a picture of a brown person trying to look cool; a task that is impossible for them to complete. The only reason Michael Jackson looked cool was because he bathed those 50 shades away in bleach baths and turned that nignose to a pignose. "I'm BROWN are you going to ARREST me too?" If you continue to puwu in the street, yes. "puwu" is how Indians say "uwu". Also, this guy is planning on making a Duke Nukem animated series; of which I plan to watch 0 minutes of. Let's wipe off that eyeliner and your ass and move on to more important matters. --------------------------------------------
The Creation of Duke Search I have created a new website. You won't believe my luck as to which domain was available. It is: dukenukem.net Go to dukenukem.net and you will witness the best homepage which you must set as your homepage in your browser. Why is this the best homepage? Firstly, you can search the internet using Duke Nukem. He will scour the internet for whatever you want (yes, he will even reluctantly search for David Wolfe's website). The search engine is an open souce search aggregator (called 4get), which searches various different search engines (such as Yandex, Wiby, Qwant, etc.) using my server's IP address rather than yours, meaning your privacy is better protected. Search is only one fun component to my homepage website. You will notice that I have various amazing news story sections among this website. These are RSS feeds I'm pulling and presenting on my website. I had to learn how to pull RSS feeds with python, store them into a MariaDB table, then display them with PHP. I am not well versed at all with SQL security, so if I get hacked, oopsies. But user input isn't allowed on the SQL parts, so theoretically it all should be good. That's the level of security confidence I'm sure you're looking for :3 The best security is not caring. After this project, most of what I learned will be forgotten since it was complex (for me) and won't be something I repeat often. In any event, the news stories I deemed most important are: Fast food news, grocery store news (new items at grocery stores and food reviews), B-movie news, Health and truth news (pulled from NaturalNews), and random news pulled from hackernews. I set cronjobs to run the python scripts that parse these RSS feeds once every 30 minutes to an hour depending on the feed. This means that the homepage is in a constant state of being updated and relevant, so you should have new stories to view when you come to see your new homepage, dukenukem.net Dukenukem.net also includes many links to helpful, entertaining, and informational external websites that I personally approve of. If you like these websites just as much as me, then you will be clicking these websites from the homepage often. No need to utilize bookmarks with dukenukem.net. I have organized these links into boxes by various different categories, such as: I made Duke Search with the intent that children may use this homepage. Therefore, I made the effort to keep it clean and appropriate for children. Personally, I think any child using the internet must be supervised by an adult these days. Porn is too easily found, there are many pedophiles who want to meet (or "meat") children, and there are concepts discussed online that are confusing to children (such as transgenderism or adult babies). Therefore, even though dukenukem.net is safe for kids to view, I only recommend doing so under the watchful eye of a parent. For example, if the child were to go to my video website, only allow them to watch my technology videos, as my skits contain adult comedy themes. I made my website as something I personally would have enjoyed seeing when I was a kid. There is a "random image of the day" and a "random coloring page of the day", and I like these concepts even into my adult life, so surely, kids would like them. I also really like the links I included in this section, as these are both fun and educational links for kids, such as Hack a day and Instructables. Tux Paint and Learn How to Draw are entertaining while being educational. The links for robots are just purely for fun. I think I like the kid section on my website best, because I like a lot of "childish" things, becuase childish things are fun. I don't think liking childish things is strange for women. For men, it is a bit more strange. A man can't simply like My Little Pony. He has to show off and make an anatomically correct plushie version of Fluttershy. I made the "random image" and "random coloring page" sections with a bash script that takes a random image from a directory and puts it into a new directory labeled "/randomimageoftheday/". There is only ever one image inside this directory, and the script renames the file to be "image.gif" once inside this new directory. I do it this way so that there is truly only one image in this folder, so that you can't cheat and save the url for dukenukem.net/randomimageoftheday/rabbit.gif. If I had not renamed the files, you could freely view the random image of the day, any day. So rewriting the image to always be "image.gif" prevents this, and makes it more uniform. I use a cronjob to run this script once a day, selecting a new random image from my images folder, saving it to my /randomimageoftheday/ folder, then rewriting "image.gif" with a new "image.gif". I also have interactive polls on my search page, giving users something interesting to look forward to. The previous poll's results will be displayed on the homepage as well. This is reminisant of old homepages that had polls. Soon I would like to embed games, which load only on click, so that you're not pinging an external server every time you visit dukenukem.net. This protects privacy. If there are other entertaining or fun features I should include on my homepage, please email me your suggestion(s). Now that I have discussed the homepage as it is in its current form, I want to talk about how this webpage came to be. If I'm able to customize something to my own personal interests, I will do it. That's why I like my very cutomized website and it's also why I like creating Linux desktop widgets. With the vast majorify of people being restriced to un-customizable social media interfaces, people have either forgotten or never experienced the ability to drastically change the "default" of something. Homepages are one of the many lost aspects of the internet. I found untapped potential here, which is why I created my homepage. I think people could genuinely have fun with it instead of looking at their "most viewed" websites as their current webpage. If I had that as my homepage, I would be depressed that LittleCaesars.com is my most visited website. I actually created a very basic and different version of my webpage in 2022. Here is the prototype, since prototypes of things are something that interest me: 
Originally I was going to use SeaxNG for the search engine. Upon installing SearxNG onto my server, I discovered the documentation is unsurprisingly terrible unless I was to humiliate myself by using Docker. To keep a long story short, you have to make your home directory executable or else the "searx" user you create does not have read permissions for a certain file. Even though I ensured I gave that user read permissions, it wouldn't work until I gave my home directory execute permissions, which is not something I want. I ran into other issues after this, it simply wasn't woth it in my opinion, and I questioned the security of this software, as the developer of it is very incapable of writing decent documentation, and also writes like an ESL retard. Why do people .. add random periods . in between their .. sentences like this? That is what I was facing when reading this guy's Github issues. Therefore, I said no. I need good software, tranny-made with milky white skin, not this brown ESL subhuman software. So I installed 4get, but, this tranny has documentation for installing onto Ubuntu/NGINX that is incorrect. The NGINX file as written will not work, so I had to figure out how to get it correct. If you are installing 4get and need my NGINX file, you can email me: ashleyjones@icum.to. Please email me if you are using my homepage as your homepage. You can also change your browsers settings so that your searchbar utilizes dukenukem.net's search engine. --------------------------------------------
The Creation of Braphogs.com I have already discussed the creation of my other new website, braphogs.com, in a recent video. However, for those who don't to watch my videos, it would be good to have a written description of my new website. Braphogs.com is a website dedicated to the sassy and gassy women (or, "hogs") that inhabit the United States. You can almost smell the processed McDonalds farts the moment you see this website. If you want an immersive experience, simply fart and inhale deeply as you browse braphogs.com. Braphogs is an homage/parody of 2000's porno websites, except, adapting a newer term "braphog", to the older style of the website. Ever since I was a kid, I have always wanted to create some sort of parody porno website like this one. Slowly piecing this website together in GIMP was surreal, as I was fulfilling a big childhood dream of mine. When I was a child, I was never taught to create HTML websites in school like some of my predecessors may have experienced. I knew some very basic HTML and markdown from using Gaiaonline in the 2000's, but not enough to make my own website. I wish I had some sort of mentor during my childhood to whom I could have expressed my interests to, and they could have provided me with guidence as to how to make my dreams a reality. For example, I wanted to create a "Youtube for kids" website in ~2010. I registerred the domain "kidflix", a play on the word "Netflix". I never managed to do anything more than register the domain, because I didn't know how to get a server. I could have been a lot more developed in my interests if I had someone I could relay my intersts in web development and malware to during my childhood. Perhaps I would have ended up in cyber security. In any event, my Kidflix website never went anywhere. All that lived on that website was the famous "parked domain" backpack girl photo. *My* luck would have it that years later, another website on the darknet called "kidflix" existed, with it hosting videos of kids and NOT in the way I was intending with my kidflix in 2010. I only know of this website because of this Wikipedia page I was reading about tor websites: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Tor_onion_services#Pornography -- Hey, why aren't my onion websites listed on here? Though, I don't know how badly I want my websites on the same page as "Lolita City" and "Boystown". I think I'll stay in Fully Legal 18+ Village, thank you very much. Back to Brap. I went on archive.org and viewed an old snapshot of Shanesworld (a Fully Legal 18+ Village porn website). It seems like this old Shanesworld website used Adobe Dreamweaver to make the website, as it was a bunch of images stitched together to create the actual website. So, I imported the images one-by-one into GIMP. Then, I overlayed how I wanted my website to look. I had to export the image sections little by little so they displayed correctly. I only did this for the homepage. I encourage you to visit braphogs.com. If you're Jewish, try not to get gassed to death as you visit this website. --------------------------------------------
BABE OF THE MONTH
Sophia Lillis I know what you're thinking: Is this a babe or a boy? I know I don't have the best track record of finding hyper-feminine women attractive. I tend to like women who look like they're trying to be 2010 Justin Bieber. I Justwant In their Beaver. Sophia Lillis ticks all of my boxes: petite, boyish, short hair, and has never admitted to having a boyfriend. If I ever find out she has had a boyfriend, I'm going to sacrifice her, me, and my pet hamster all at the same time. Whore. But until that day comes, she's a perfect angel. We're only three years apart in age, so if anyone thinks I'm a disgusting p*dophile for thinking she looks cute in a picture where she's probably 17 and 350 days old, I'm not a pedophile. I'm nostalgic.
I've actually never watched anything with this boy in it. I don't even know what she sounds like. I've just found myself saving her pictures to my computer many, many times. Saving and staring at pictures of cute women is semi-normal among us, right? So why is it suddenly weird when I do this with pictures of food? At least I don't get the urge to rape food. Anyway. Sophia's feet pictures take up 2TB of my harddrive. Funny, just one of my feet pictures take up that same amount of space. What's not to love about boyish looking women? You can get rough-and-tumble with them and they're not afraid of their hair or makeup getting messed up or balls getting hurt. It's all the benefits of being in a relationship with a man without any of the drawbacks. You can also take a boyish girl to iHop and get a discount because the waitress thinks shes an 11 year old boy and not a hot 23 year old woman. (This has actually happened to me once) (except I wasn't hot) (and I retardedly corrected her about my age, so I cucked myself out of a steep pancake discount). Women like peak Sophia Lillis are the perfect woman. They don't have to try to look pretty, and you can tell that the lack of care for superficial things (like apperance) makes them easy-going and thus, more fun to be around if you don't mind leg hair. What's unfortunate is when I come across a picture of what I *think* is a very cute boyish woman, only to realize it's just a girly gay man. I guess that is techincally "straight" for me, but it feels gay and wrong. Is this how gay men feel when they're checking out Chaz Bono and realize he's hiding a couple of bonos under that dress shirt? I will admit that Gerard Way has some great lesbian-fashion in this picture, and I plan to take some dyke dress tips from him. If there are any other Sophia Lillis enthusiests out there, please email me with which movie/show of hers I should watch first. Also, please provide more boyish women I can obsess over. -------------------------------------------- Eating in the Shower: A Decadent Pleasure for Ensouled Beings There is a certain archetype of person that appears to not have the desire nor capacity to experience pleasure in life. This phenomenon seems to have become more prevalent in recent years. These are the people who seem to have no enjoyment of things like food, masturbation, or long, hot showers. I cannot relate to these people, which I am thankful for. The three aforementioned activities are some of the most enjoyable things in the often barren wasteland of the human experience. Interestingly, those three activities can easily be combined in pairs or all three at the same time. While I personally don't prefer to masturbate in the shower (due to the risk of electric shock, as an AC wall socket is a non-negotiable requirement for me to achieve climax), eating while masturbating can be an enjoyable experience. But what I really want to talk about today is eating in the *shower*. I have recently taken to finding ways to increase my enjoyment during showers. It started with bringing a cold, cabonated beverage with me into the shower. The contrast between the hot water of the shower and the ice-cold fizzy drink is wonderful. This is a good "starter" for anyone interested in eating in the shower. Anyway, after getting comfortable with beverages, I decided to experiment with small food items, and eventually, entire meals. I will now share with you my findings, as certain foods are more appropriate to enjoy in the shower than others. Generally, food items which can tolerate a bit of moisture are preferred. For instance, a pickle is completely edible in the shower as you will not notice or care about it becoming a bit wet due to the humidity of the environment, whereas a dry snack such as crackers or cheese puffs would be ruined quickly, even by the small amount of moisture on your fingers when reaching into the box/bag. I have found that the following snacks/meals are entirely appropriate to be eaten in the shower:
- Pickles
- Handheld snacks or meals such as candy bars, sandwiches, burritos, slices of pizza, etc. Foods you should not attempt to eat in the shower: Now, a word on technique. I keep a lawn chair in my shower for additional comfort. It has a convenient cupholder, which, if positioned correctly (away from the shower stream), can make accessing my drink easier. Nevertheless, whether sitting or standing, you'll generally want to use one hand to hold your food, and the other hand to hold your utinsel (if needed). I prefer to eat from a bowl rather than a plate, as bowls are easier to hold in one hand. I find that my hand/wrist will quickly tire if holding a standard-sized dinner plate. Small plates can be OK. You must use real plates, not paper plates. Even while eating approved shower foods, you should try not to let the food get directly hit by the shower stream. Therefore, the ideal position is to face away from the stream, allowing it to hit your neck and back. In this orientation, your body acts as a shield for the food. With single-hand food items, like a sandwich, you can enjoy some additional manouverability, since you can raise the food item above the shower stream while repositioning yourself. That's really all there is to it. Try eating in the shower the next time you're hungry and filthy at the same time. Please email me or post on my imageboard about your experience. You are encouraged to include pictures/recipes. -------------------------------------------- Webp is terrible and was created for the for-profit internet It seems like we as humans disagree on everything: Are worms just baby snakes? Did Marilyn Manson play "Paul" on The Wonder Years? Do we *really* need restaurants to be accesible to people in wheelchairs? The list goes on and on. But one thing we can all agree on universally is that .webp is the worst fileformat. The only person who disagrees with this take is my arch-nemisis skin walker, David Wolfe. I never thought I would have to explain why .webp is terrible, but, just incase any of you are considering seriously using the .webp format, just know that you're wrong, you're a mistake, and now I need to educate you correctly. .webp was created by Google (gay) and Google's goal with this fileformat is to have a comparable quality image with better compression -- meaning that a .jpg that is 23kb could theoretically look the same but be only 16kb with .webp. There are criticisms as to how well their fileformat actually accomplishes this. To any normal person such as you and I, such minimal space saving is not worth switching to an entirely new fileformat; one which is not even supported by most filebrowsers or programs. Anytime you encounter a .webp, it is always a terrible time, as you manually have to convert it to a .png. Since sane humans universally hate .webp, why is it being utilized? The simple answer is that while a few kb of space saving per image is not impactful to an average Joe, to Google (who stores perhaps trillions of images), every kb adds up. Digital storage costs money, so the creation of .webp is actually a means of saving Google money. Yes, they don't care if the entire internet hates the fileformat and that most filebrowsers and software have not adapted to their reinvention of the wheel. Money takes presedent to them, so Google will do as Google pleases and continue to roll out their terrible fileformat. I also suspect that Google having their own fileformat will eventually lead to proprietary fileformats. While .webp is open source, there is nothing stopping Google from taking .webp to be proprietary. I could see that they may create a fileformat that is more "locked down", where a fileformat won't be viewable to the user unless that user is logged into or verifies themself with a Google account. I would imagine this technology would work where the file is encrypted, and could only be decrypted at the time the user is "verified", such as logging into an account. Essentially, Google could be rolling out this fileformat that they will have much of the internet adapt to, that they could soon take proprietary once the majority of the internet is using .webp. The best fileformat is .gif. It already does everything you need it to, such as being a static image, being transparent, or even animated. We don't need 4k high definiton images. You just need an image to be of decent enough quality to get the message across. People who obsess over picture/video quality are weird, it seems like they have no actual interests. To feel like they have an interest, they discuss topics that are very surface-level, such as needing video quality so high that behind Brendan Fraiser's pimple and pores, you can almost see his deep, deep depression. --------------------------------------------
Maureen Comstock I regret to inform you that the fifth member of The Beatles has died. The song Hello Goodbye really hits home to me now. But is Maureen really dead? I thought I heard her sing "I'm Only Sleeping". We can all recognize her big accomplishments in her few years in The Beatles, but let's take some time to highlight and reflect upon the more personal side of her life. I can't find when Maureen was born, so I'm going to guess that she was born on June 22nd, 2014. She said Hello Goodbye on September 18, 2024 as a result of a fall in the shower... "Twist and Shout", am I right? She shattered her hip as well as her dream of becoming her assisted living home's next shuffleboard champion. Perhaps this accident happened because of the pure shock she experienced when she realized she was eating a non-approved shower meal. But unlike her soggy Pringles, not all salty snacks can fit down the shower drain. That's why they are laying Maureen to rest on September 25th at a proper cementary. All of the above is fan fiction. I actually have no idea how Maureen died, because they so rudely keep this detail out of obituaries. I wish her a fab funeral. --------------------------------------------
FAN ART OF THE MONTH  The Woman's Struggle By: Drummyfish, Age 35 From: Czech Republic DNA: Maternal haplogroup HV (HVR1 mutations: 16093C, 16129A, 16221T, 16519C), paternal haplogroup E1b1b Website: www.tastyfish.cz Editor's Note: Thank you, Drummyfish, for the art. It perfectly captures the fear that I might be a barren failure of a woman. I really like that his drawing was done in GIMP and that the image looks sort of water-colory. For those unaware, he painted a picture from one of my stock images. Yes, I do stock photography on the side. 
https://www.pexels.com/@ashley-jones-455910223/ Email me your fan art (AI submissions are not accepted) and I will post it in my next monthly column with my personal commentary. -------------------------------------------- This is the end of the monthly column The subjects and questions were submitted to me via email (ashleyjones@icum.to) and my discussion board ( https://tubgurl.com/ashleyj/thread/29878.html ). Please submit your questions, tip requests, suggestions, etc. via email with the subject line, "MONTHLY COLUMN", or in the thread linked about the monthly column. I will address them in future monthly column issues. If you are a teacher who wants to use my column as educational reading material for students, you are welcome to do so. About the author: Ashley Jones Ashley Jones, author of other works such as, "Kevin Sorbo and the Baby Oil", is an esteemed creative writer and comic book creator. She is self-taught, yet many readers agree her skills surpass those who were trained in professional settings. Her goal in life is to work with the elderly in a retirement home in an attempt to acquire their posessions before they perish. She is survived by her two dogs. |
